- Stop, count to 10, and exert more anger management with....my contractor. He didn't show up Again today. This is after a week vacation. He didn't call. what is up with people. Basic manners folks. Basic. However, I am going to choose, as of now, to be More excited about the final result at our "new house" instead of my day to day annoyance, frustration, anger, disgust with what's going on around me. Phew. There. Done. no more Anger!
- I will try to stop eating when I am not hungry!! Why do I do this? I eat just because I want to try a new snack. It could be the healthiest snack in South Paris, ME but if I'm not hungry, why am I eating it?? I do this all the time.
- Break 4:45 in my Half Ironman at Worlds. I had to throw a tri goal in there.
- Drop my swim times down--I am talking about my times in the pool while training. I only race in teh open water these days (except rare pool triathlons) but I want to swim fast in teh pool again. I used to swim fast. I used to swim 5000+ yards twice/day, six days/week. I could swim butterfly for entire workotus. I could do 100s on 1:10 intervals. I could do 200s on 2:20 intervals. I do not wonder what happened. 15 years out of the water happened. Three babies. A Shoulder surgery. Blah blah blah. I'm over that. I want to swim fast again. Maybe not 1:10 100 intervals but maybe I can hit the wall at 1:05 again? Please? Maybe I can hit the wall in a 200 at 2:20 or faster? I'm going to try I tell ya....Just to make myself feel better.
- I am going to drop the vacuum (see above note of frustrations with contractors), ignore the laundry piles, and ignore the dishes and play, I mean PLAY with my boys more. This is a big one. I think about this a lot. I am with my kids all the time. If they are not at school, they are with me. I love this about my life. I really really love being a stay home Mom with them. I wouldn't trade it for the world. People (one in particular actually) ask me All the Time if I am bored. Are you kidding? I am the Mother of 3 boys! I am really never bored. Tired, yes. Overwhelmed, yes. Did I say tired? But, you know what, I am damned lucky and I do know it. They are fantastic children. Sure, I'm biased. But I adore these little people and they bring me more joy than anything in my whole world. I snuggled with Nick today. He said to me, "I love the days that we snuggle Mommy." Ok, can't beat that! I rode bikes with them. I played 2 on 2 basketball yesterdya and their faces were lit with joy the whole time. Priceless. I need to do this more. THIS is a priority. Life is too short and as my Husband's 99 yr old Grandmother once told me, "no one is goign to remember you for your clean house." oh how true.
- I will work super hard on my bike workouts. I will make it hurt, even on my 50 mi rides around the county. I need to learn to hurt on the bike. Just like Mary said. I am still learning how to do this.
- Goals: I'm going to be frightningly specific here. Clearwater is coming. I have to get real. Swim: 27:30 Bike: 2:35 ( I only dare say this because I know it's flat) Run: 1:35 I need to hold it together on the run this time. No quad trauma this time. I hope I'm preparing adequately!
- Finally, I will savor the moment. I promise. I will enjoy the run in the fall air, I will enjoy sweating to death on my trainer in my living room, I will enjoy the spontaneous hug from my 6 y.o., I will appreciate all that I have and stop stressing over the things that are making each day tough.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
A huge thank you to everyone for all your great nutritional advice. I've restocked the cupboards and an motivated to do better for myself. I have some new yummy breads, crackers, and meal ideas.
Finally, my question. Travelling with the bike. I think I might be more nervous about this than I am the actual race at Clearwater. How sad is that?!!
I have a great friend who has offerred me her bike box. Yeah! That's great. Step 1. Now, what next. I have reservations to get from Maine to FL on USAirways. It is not a direct flight. One of the planes is a regional jet (the smaller ones) and the other is a Boeing 737 I think. A big one anyway. I have been told that you aren't guaranteed that you can gate check on any plane. Some let you, some don't. I do NOT want to check the bike in baggage. No way. I've lost my luggage before and I can't risk this. So......I have been advised to ship it FedEx. This trip is going to cost a million $$$!! Geez.
Any advice? How do you guys do this ?It all makes me very nervous.
A quick training update:
I'm feeling strong. I've been able to fit it ~3 swim workouts/week which is a bonus and am up to ~10, 000 yards/week. This is about 6000 MOre than usual. I feel more comfortable and natural in the water each time I go. I am bikign well and feel decent on the roads. I have noticed that I have really turned into an endurance athlete. I feel fairly fast at times. I can pour it on if I need to. But, when I run or bike or swim even, I feel stronger and more solid as the miles go by. It's a cool feeling. I think it's progress since I have an IM on the horizon.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I am intrigued by nutrition. I love to shop for healthy foods. I love to eat healthy food. I am obsessed with feeding my kids all the right things and teaching them Why they should do it for the rest of their lives.
I don't eat junk. Well, I do eat cookies from time to time. Love cookies. Love them. Oh, and Peanut M&Ms.
Here's the deal. I'm in a rut!! I can't seem to figure out what to eat day to day! I eat the same things all the time! I am bored with my food. I know I'm missing some key things. I know I eat too many carbs...probably too much peanut butter. It's just that I'm really not big on sandwiches. I'm not likely to make a good ole' turkey sandwich for lunch. So I struggle with what to eat at lunch.
Can you guys share some of your breakfasts &/or lunches? I need some ideas.
I am almost always grabbing something as I head out the door to drive the kids to school in the a.m.: Oatmeal wolfed down in 60 seconds or maybe rice cakes with peanut butter..yum.. ;o) I do love this.
I almost always grab a snack mid-am as I'm running around town...a Luna bar? Banana? Nectarine?
I sometimes make lunch: yogurt/fruit/granola mix
These thigns don't sound so bad. But I am hungry a lot. I nibble on this and that a lot. That's probably my problem. I do snack after dinner....bad bad bad I know. Sorry Marn. Bad bad habit. I try to keep it under control!
I feel like if I could have some better/more filliing daytime meals, I'd do better overall. I need ideas!!
I really appreciate any of your ideas. I'm in a rut!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
After talking it over and thinking it over, I realized that I would be more upset if I didn't do the race.
The Lobsterman Tri is held in Freeport, Maine. Freeport is like a 2nd home to me. My Grandparents lived there, my parents live there, and our family's cottage is there. I spent a lot of time in freeport as a child and continue to vacation there now with my family. I would hate to miss a chance to race in this beautiful town.
In addition to that, so many great friends were going to be there. It is the last big race of the season in Maine. I just couldn't miss it.
The week before the race was tough for me. I was dead tired. I had migraines all week. I was overwhelmed with a few things in my life. My head was Not on the race. It's an hour drive from home to Freeport and I had to stop Twice on the way, with my kids in the car, to nap!!! Not good.
Things changed from that point on. I got to packet pickup and immediately felt the race pulse. My friends were all around. I got my new spare tire set up on my bike and was ready to go. ( now racing with tubulars so I had to get some new things...and a lesson!)
I headed to the cottage and met up with Mark and my parents. Mom and Dad made us an awesome dinner and then left with the kids. Ahhh...peace. We had a fire in the place and the amazing ocean air kicked in. It's therapeutic for me. Truly. I went to bed early, slept like a log and woke up feeling 100%. I was cured. The cottage did it again. Thanks Grammie and Grampa. We will cherish this place forever.
Now onto the race. I got there early again and enjoyed a relaxing pace for myself. I could set up my transition without any distractions and then I could enjoy socializing for a while before the race. I headed out for a ride. All was good. I felt fine. The bike felt fast...
POP!!!!!!! What the heck?????
I had a FLAT!!! I almost died. I walked back about 1/2 mile and found my faithful bike mechanic friends. Thank god I had that spare. But, now that was it for the race. If I flatted again, I was out.
Ok, regroup. No big deal. I went on with my routine. Next thing I knew, I had lost my cap!! Oh come on! What else?? I back tracked and found it. Phew
I went down to the water now to warm up and found a few friends. I said, "So far today I have flatted, lost my cap and..." I realized there wasnt' anythign else. But as I said it I also had this sinking thought....things happen in 3s. ooops. Had I just jinxed myself? Whatever. Dont' be superstitious Ange. Move on.
Time to go...
Swim: I was nervous here. I had someone I had to keep up with. She blows me away when we swim together at the lake. I mean, blows me away. Gone. She's waaaaaaaaaaaay ahead. My goadl here was to keep up...to draft...to stay within 1 minute? I hoped. GO! Four strokes--we're even---10 strokes---she's gone. BEHIND ME!!! Woohooo. Go Me! I took off. I felt great. I never turned aroudn. I just keep pushign on and enjoyed the moment. But how can it be?
Time: 16: 38 1st woman
Bike: I felt good here. Nothign too notable. I just pushed it. It was a quad ride. In a good way. I felt like I was using my quads more than usual and I felt powerful. It was a hilly ride. I had forgotten just how hilly it was.
time: 1:08.47 no idea what place!
Run: I headed off on the run and hoped I had a big enough cushion to keep my competitors away. The fast swimmer I was worried about is also a super fast runner. I hoped I coudl pull out a strong 10K to hold her off. I felt strong from the beginning. AFter the first mile of breathing uncontrollably, I found my pace. I was pulling out decent mile splits and felt like it might be my race. I was still ahead. Hold on Ange.
I got to about mile 5 when this little tiny thing came zipping by me. I was convinced she was in a wave ahead of me so I didn't have to worry about her. Ooops. but she was SO fast!!! She appeared adn was Gone in about 20 seconds it seemed.
I finished the race about 1 minute after her.
Second place. Cool. I was psyched. The girl who ran by me did a 38" 10K!!
But I did a 41:50 and was lovin' that. My flat 10k PR is only 15 seconds faster than that. I felt strong the whole run. I didn't suffer like I have on other races this summer. That was success for me. I beat the girls I compete with in Maine and that was satisfying. My love for racing was right there with me again. I am so so happy I raced after all.
Overall time: 2:09.16 2nd woman/ 1st age group 14 minutes faster than last year!
It's alwasy fun to finish a race. It feels good. But I got to turn around and watch so many special friends finish the race. My friend Mike, Katie, my Husband Mark (cranked by the way!), Tim, Rob and Mary!!!! Poor Mary had swollen hands when she finished. She took a spill. I felt so sad for her but was glad she was ok. I just love hanging otu with all these people. I hope we can all keep in touch over the winter.
p.s. Remember I said things happen in 3s. Well, they did. I was the 2nd woman to finish, but I was listed as 3rd place. bummer. I got a 2min penalty. AHHH!!! There are people drafting left and right out there and they write me up! There was a guy who had the same bike as me and we played cat and mouse the whole ride. He dropped back at one point and then he caught back up. He rode next to me and told me his woes. He'd dropped his chain. Ok. Immediately after this, he rode off and a guy the back of a motorcycle went by me writign in his notebook. I was so sad.
Oh well. Lesson learned. I know what place I got ....
Fun fun day.
Now it's time to train my butt off to prepare for Clearwater.
Friday, September 12, 2008
A few weeks ago I agreed to chaperone my son Tommy's class to the fair. He is in 1st grade. As the date approached, I regretted this big time. What had I done? My Wednesday. I gave up 5 hrs of 'me' time to walk around the fair with 6 year olds. What on earth would we do there for all those hours!? I did feel very happy that I could be there with Tommy. It is rare that I get one on one parent time with him because he is my middle boy. That said, I needed that time. I am sinking into a black hole at home.
Wednesday came. The morning rush was worse than ever. These contractors just laugh at me each day. I kind of like that they are seeing what Moms everywhere are doing each morning after they leave home. (And Dads too...I know some Dads are home with kids too.:o) love that by the way) I was out of the house by 8:00 after a great 7 mile run pre-dawn. Nick was off to preschool, the big boys to their school, and I headed to the grocery store to grab a few things before meeting the bus at the fairgrounds. Still wishing I had those hours.....
The next thing I knew the bus was pulling in and there was Tommy's little round face highlighted by his blue sweatshirt. He was squished to the windown with his hands around his face. He saw me there and his smile was amazing. This kid's enthusiasm and spirit have always been larger than life. He didn't let me down. My heart melted. He was happy I was there.
I had 3 kids with me and they were wonderful. The little girl held my hand the whole time as did Tommy. They were overjoyed by the softness of the bunnies, the big fat stinky pooping cows, the sheep with racing shirts on, the goat that escaped.
I was forced to stop. To look. To teach. To smile. To breath. These kids were so excited by these simple little animals. Tommy was so so happy that I was there. My heart melted about that over and over all day. He is a 6 year old boy. I am guessing that when he is 12 it might not be the same. I am savoring all the hugs and hand holding I get now.
I told him that this was the best day of my week. I told him how happy I was that I wasn't at home doign all my "jobs." His face smirked like it does when he's proud. Success.
On a Triathlon note! I Race TOMORROW!!!
Yowza. This race has NOT been on my mind. I have big goals...primarily go faster than last year. But I mostly want to have fun and feel good. I haven't been training for this one specifically. I' took a break after Timberman and now I'm getting ready to gear up for Clearwater. This is a race with lots of friends, in a town close to my heart, and in the Maine ocean. It was 38 when I got up yesterday!! Brrr. Did you know that Mary? Yup, it's been COLD!
Time to go, little Nick just crawled on my lap, Cam asked for his homework and TOmmy asked if he could put his rain boots on so he can run in the mud.....5" before we go to school. Ahh boys. :o) Gotta love 'em.
p.s. In case I sound like I've got my head together again...get this one. I just searched all over my house; dirty laundry, clean laundry, boy's drawers, my drawers, under beds for my black shorts. I couldn't imagine where they went. Guess where I found them? On me. Scary!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
However, I can't seem to get my life in order! I feel like I am constantly running from one errand or one task to another. Nothing is ever complete. With all 3 boys at school 3 days of the week this fall I thought I would be calm, cool and collected Mommy. Not so. I'm scatter brained!
Today I awoke at 4:35. I was out the door at 4:55 to the pool.
I swam from 5:50-6:25
Drove home until 7:10
Changed, washed face, made beds, packed lunches, put kids on bus at 7:45
back in car at 8:00 with Nick and drove BACK to Auburn for His swimming lessons at 9:00
appointment with bathroom designers at 10:00
left at 11, did errands, home at 12
Husband met me at door and we had impromptu meetings/decision making until 2:15
HOles were cut in walls unexpectedly today so I had to scramble to move my son's bedroom to another room
HURRY! We're late to get boys from school at 3
Car wouldn't back otu of driveway...too many construction trucks in way....hurry get in other car and Go! We were late
home by 3:20. Time to make snacks, review homework, convince kids they wont' melt if they go out in rain, and again....answer more questions and try to ignore scowls from contractracto when I say yes, that IS the way I want it. It's my house! Why do they care!? Breath
answer phone, it's MIL who wants to come visit to see new stuff at house....breath...maybe after dinner?
Now, it's 5:03. Hubby is coming home at ....5:00....to do some work here and so I can run my fast 5 miles before I make dinner and start the evening rush!
Tomorrow...field trip to fair for 4 hrs with first graders. Waoh. But...electrician needs me. When will you be here they ask? Can you talk to him on your cell? I will be with first graders at fair....not so sure that'll work. Breath.
Time for a run!
Monday, September 8, 2008
I finally FINALLY went grocery shopping alone this morning. No one jumping on the front of the cart pulling it into innocent shoppers, no one begging me for donut holes, no one fussing that they're bored. No one. That was the problem. I was lonely.
I called my husband and I Cried!!!!!!!!!!
I tell ya....I'm a bonafide sappy Mom. I miss my little boy So much!!!
My 6 and 9 year old have been in school for a couple years now. They started 3rd and 1st grades a couple weeks ago. I'm a bit used to them heading off for the day.
But little Nick. He is my buddy. My sweetheart! My snuggler. My last little baby at home. It's very hard for me to grasp that he's not here with me right now. Sitting on my lap. Twirling my hair with his fingers.
He started preschool last week. Today is his 3rd day. I'm happy for him. I'm happy that he can go and make some little friends his own age. He is always tagging along wiht his big brothers. In fact, I don't think he realizes what it means to be four. He is just one of the "guys." He just runs with the pack. This is a good change for him. Three days/ week. It's not so bad. I am actually able to get some daytime training done! What could be better!? Breath Mommy breath. It IS ok. This is life.
I have stayed very busy. We have lots of work being done on our house and I am being bombarded with appointments and decisions and more decisions. I haven't had a minute to spare but I still wish I wasn't alone. I can't believe I feel this way.
I just have this god awful lump in my throat because I miss my boy so very much. When they are all under my feet, tracking in dirt, begging for more snacks, bickering and whining, I think I might turn into Momzilla. But when they are all off....I can't stand it!
What is wrong with me? I know I should enjoy the "peace." After 9 years of noise...this quiet time is just deafening!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
I'm so psyched. And scared. I have no clue how to ride these things. I will test them out tomorrow. I hope I don't get blown off the road by a log truck.