Monday, June 10, 2013

Since then....

A surprise came in the mail for me the other day

I  just got back from a Field day with my 11 year old.  I have about 15-20 minutes before I head off to pick all the kids up from school. I decided to write a Quick post rather than try to jump into full -on work since I don't have too much time. I had a few specific photos in mind of things we've been doing lately, but I can't find them! So I just clicked and grabbed a few oldies but goodies.  Just for fun... no stories. 

Texas was 3 weeks ago. It seems like less than that. That day is still fresh in my mind.  I have moved on though. Am I disappointed in that day? Yes. Am I proud of that day? Yes. How can I be both??? 

I am.  It was a hard hard day, and I fought with all I had. I stayed on my feet ( barely...I admit to faltering and grabbing tables for support a few times) , I kept running, and I earned myself an award.  Could I have run faster? Yes... but not in air they said was 110 degrees with the heat index.  I started the run feeling good and running pretty fast. The other day I was talking to Mark about that. I moaned that maybe I shouldn't have Purposely slowed down on mile 2 because I was afraid of the heat. Maybe I should have held that pace as long as I could, no matter what. He quipped, "OH yea... and have a seizure? go into shock?"  Umm.. no.. of course not.....! , I would havebeen ok... I know my limit. And yet,  I really wasn't well after those 26.2 miles. I mean, 140.6 miles.   For whatever reason, my body didn't like that heat that day.  I had to do what I did... I had to slow down.  There was no choice.  And for knowing that, I am proud of myself.  

Was I fully ready and able to ride 10-15 min faster than I did? Yes. But hey, mistakes happen and I had mechanical issues. It happens. I will never ever start a race with loose bolts again. You can be sure of that. 

I was at the pool this morning.  I was about to push off the wall when the lady next to me said, "So.. how did  you do? "
The same group swims at my Y each morning. They ask questions about my races and what it's all about. I had talked about the Ironman in Texas. They've been around to hear about other races in the past too. 

I Smiled and said, "Pretty well. I ended up third." 
She said, "ohhh.. well first would have been better. Oh well." 

Seriously??? Did she Just say that to me???
I was stunned. And hurt. And, almost lost my cool. 
Instead, I replied, " was over 100 degrees, I did the best I could. And the woman who did win was from Panama.  So..."
I'm not sure if she said anything else. 

People don't really know what it's like out there. But even so, whether you're a kid or an adult, if you go out and do your best, and you don't win, it's OK!  Even if you've won before.  Damn.... so now if I'm not first in a race, it's not a success and I should hang my head? 

Uh uh... I am NOT going to teach my kids that nor am I going to torture myself with that pressure.  So... since 5/18 I have held some disappointment because I know I was capable of going faster. But I wasn't capable of going faster that day in those conditions, for a few reasons.  

I've made the choice instead to hold Strong the reasons I decided, while in the thick of it that day, fully aware of what I was going through, to be Proud. And I'm sticking to it. 

I've rested long and hard. I've taken a break. I've eased back into it. 
I've soul searched. And I've made a new plan.  

I'm not even close to being done.  

Like I said, I just felt like posting a few pics that make me happy.