Out of my Comfort Zone!

I have kept this blog for years now and while it's fun to get to know others through these forums and hear people's comments  about my adventures, it's also a "diary" for myself. I have raced Triathlon from Mexico, to Canada, to Hawaii to Florida. And yet, this "little" race in Bethel, Maine will be etched in my memory as one of my toughest days.  And it wasn't a triathlon. 

While I do spent hours and hours each week swimming and biking and running during most of the year, my winters are also absorbed with many hours on snow. I'm one of those people LOVES to hear the weatherman "warn" us of an impending snowstorm. We live in Western Maine, just a short little ride to the ski mountains, and we get all we can out of it.  After all, we live here! Winters could be long and hard if we didn't get out and play in the white stuff. So, we do. My husband was strapped into skis as a small toddler. He grew up at the mountain and grew into one heck of a skier. He raced alpine and nordic and won the ski meister competition as a Sr. in High school. {top scores for the two events combined} He won that meet while his parents were in Calgary cheering on his sister in the 1988 Olympics. She raced in '80 and '88 on the Olympic teams in Nordic skiing. ( How awesome is that!! ) Skiing is  in the Bancroft blood..... 

Meanwhile, I grew up in water.  I was on swim teams all my life and while I did ski some, it was gently and with the understanding that I wouldn't show up to practice Monday morning with a busted knee from messing around on skis over the weekend. that would have been very very very bad.

I never really went XC skiing.  Maybe once or twice. With friends, through the woods, while singing and laughing and really not working very hard. It was just like a walk in the woods....  

My three boys were all on skis by age two. Now, at ages 14, 12 and 9 they out ski their mother without a thought. I'm not sure how / when it happened... seems like yesterday when I was next to them yelling, "Turn! Slow down!" and now... they are gone. In a flash. 

Ok.. that's the downhill stuff. They have also picked up the nordic skis and are getting better and better at that. Cameron races on the Middle School teams and is in the running for Ski Meister. He's the only one in his school on both teams and he's working his tail off to make it all work. 

Watching him race on the Nordic skis and being more and more involved with it, has made me hungry for it. Years ago, our family got some new XC skis. I got the Classic kind. We went out a few times with the boys on some nearby trails. The kids were Very small and it was a long trek.  Two years ago, I got some Skate skis. I went out on them a few times last year. And, I have been out on them a few times this year. I even had a short lesson with my aforementioned sister-in-law!!  The first time I went out, I fell a lot. And, I couldn't get up. I pulled myself back up by grabbing a little bush and yanking with all my might. But I LOVE it so much. It's fun and it's an amazing amazing workout. I feel muscles I didn't know I had. I work up a hot sweat and feel like a rockstar (albeit a clumsy one ) every time I go out. 

I am way off track here.... 

The point is, I haven't been on the Classic skis in over two years. I've been out 4-5x this winter on my skate skis but I still have Terrible form and even a 30 min jaunt exhausts me. I have no easy gear because my form is so bad. 

I decided last winter that I wanted to enter a few nordic races. Why not! It's Great exercise, fun outside in the snow and something different for me! No matter what, I love a good race. 

The problem, however, is that Cam's ski meets are every Saturday. And, I wouldn't Dare take away our Sunday from downhill skiing since the other two kids are just watching their brother. My opportunities were few. 

And then... last weekend he had a Classic XC race scheduled at Gould Academy ( right near the mountain we downhill ski at ) &  it was part of a race event that ALL of us could enter! Nick and Tommy were IN for the 2.25K race.  Cameron was in of course. The big question was whether or not I should enter. Mark didn't want to...his Classic skis aren't race skis so he never really considered it. 

Let's see.... It was Wed before the race and I had to decide. 

Cons:

 I haven't been ON my Classic skis in two years. 

Even when I did ski on them, I didn't really know how to do it.

My race would take a bit longer than the kid's races and I'd delay us getting back to Sunday River for the rest of the day on downhill skis.

That's it! 

Pros: 

A race! 

A race "with" my kids. 

Outside fun in the winter on a nice day. 

Amazing exercise--.> a good way to get a "run" in on what's typically just a ski day. 

I would be challenging myself with something new and hard and that can't ever be a bad thing. 

Make new friends? Maybe!! 

A chance to hang out with my friend Mary Lou.

Potentially show the kids that it's OK to do hard things that are a little scary and way way outside one's comfort zone. I hope they got a little of that.... {Please! It hurt a lot so I HOPE that came out of  it!! :) }

As you can see the PRO list far outweighed the cons!! So what if my husband ( you know, the X- awesome nordic skier guy ) was giving me  the wide-eyed you really are crazy look!!!  You see, I had an option. I could enter the 7.5K OR the 22K. Of course, I was only really considering the 22K. I figured if I did the 7.5K it would be like a sprint race and I would feel the need to really go crazy hard and that would be too much.  And I'm more of a long-distance person now. My endurance is my strength now. That would help me. Right? And, Mark's doubt actually pushed me more towards registering than not.  I'm a little stubborn and pigheaded that way. Don't tell me or suggest I can't do something. That's about it all it takes. And I asked MaryLou too... she knows me as a triathlete  and she is a very experienced and great nordic skier. She said Go for it without a single bit of  hesitation. 

I was in. 

22K race on Classic Skis.... Here I come. 

Still Happy! Totally Naive. Clueless. Totally clueless about what I was about to do. 

I wish Cam was around for these shots...but he was with his team. (Nick, Mark, Tommy #82 ) 

Yay for us! This will be fun guys!! good luck! ( that's what I was saying. at this point.. haha.... )

It was time to line up on the tracks and I put myself in the back. There was a fairly diverse crowd racing. I saw High School kids that looked seriously tough, I saw people who looked like me, people younger, & people older. I really had No idea what meant what. There was one woman I know from Triathlon racing that I was excited to "see" race. She grew up racing XC and knew Mark from those days in HS. I knew she was good.  And of course, my friend MaryLou was there too. She had been helping me and calming me all morning. I was so grateful she was there. She listened to me stuggle with what to wear. She assured me I could do the race. She was just simply, a good friend. And she made me happy to be there.  I hope I am like Mary Lou over the next 20 years... she truly inspires me. Back to my race.  :)  My plan was to try to copy the people around me. I was going to watch MaryLou's form, and anyone else I could see that looked like they knew what they were doing. ( ahem, turned out Everyone else except me appeared to know what they were doing.) 

Oh yes, one more thing. I was chatting with Sarah, the woman I know from Tri racing before it started.  I asked her about the course. She said, "OH you know it! It's the old run course from the Bethel tri years ago." 

what? 

Are you KIDDING Me??? 

um...... oh no no no. 

Hills, hills, curves and turns and climbs and.... 

"yeah...it's a pretty technical course."

 oh no no no.... what have I done? 

It was 3 times around that little gem of a trail too..... 

The buzzer started and we began our two loops around the Gould Field before heading off.  

I know.. .Double pole!!! I have been watching. That's what you do on CL skis when it's flat. I can do that!!!! 

And... I almost fell. Good save Ange... 

Don't fall now... people are watching. 

Ok.. keep poling. No... now people are starting to ski. Ok.. ski! I can do this!
Phew.. I'm tired! 

Now down the hill..... I can ski down... be strong be strong watch the tracks.. just like skiing on alpine...sort of.  Pretty wobbly! Balance balance be strong.  Phew. I made it. Ok.. GO! 

I can do this! Wow... people are really far ahead of me already! How is everyone up there? Wait. Is Anyone behind me? 

Bueller? Bueller ? 

whatever. .. just race! 

Go go go ... I was working SO HARD! I was pushing and pulling and gliding ( sort of ) and finally, I dared look at my garmin to see how much I had already logged. Time to start tickin' off the miles!!! Yes!! Let's do this! I'm racing Nordic! woohooo!!!!! It's only 13.6 miles and it Must be faster than running!! Right??

Ok... look at the watch.. let's see... 

.6

Not Six. POINT SIX! 

POINT six?????? 

Oh

my

gosh. 

I was in trouble. My heart rate? 176.

I kept going.. ( of course ) and assumed I would get into a groove, my HR would settle and all would be fine. 

That never happened. But I did keep going..... I pushed & pushed and worked SO hard. I imagined in my head how I should look, I remembered the techniques I learned on the youtube videos. I thought of tips Mark and Cameron have given me. In my head, I thought I was doing ok. But wow... I was really all by myself out there in the woods. 

I laughed a few times. Before the race started I reviewed a couple rules with MaryLou and others. One of them, "If I have to pass someone, or someone is trying to pass me, I yell "tracks!" Right?"
Yes. 

Ha... that actually never became an issue!!! 

Except...when I got Lapped!!! The loops were each about 3+ miles remember... and I got lapped. 

woohooo!!!! 

But I was racing nordic skiing! Or.. at least pretending to race in my head. 

The 'race' got lonelier and lonelier. It took forever and a day to get around that first loop. And I had two more to go. I was dead. And I had only gone about 4 miles. Nordic skiers talk in kilometers. So I had gone 6.4K. That was not encouraging. I had over 15K to go.   My Heart rate was in the 180s. oh my gosh. The 180s. That's basically my threshold. 

I started the self - talk. The internal motivation. I reminded myself what a kick butt workout I was getting if nothing else. I was proud of myself! And also, a little irritated that I thought it wouldn't be this hard. I think part of it was the hills. It was really reallllllllllly hilly. I was lucky to have waxless skis so I didn't have to deal with it pre-race or worry about it wearing off. But, it also made me really slow going Down the hills. I guess if it hadn't I would have wiped out even more but still... I had to pole going Down a lot and it felt like I had brakes on so that was annoying.  

I tried to distract myself by watching some other skiers through the woods every now and then, and by thinking about what a beautiful day it was and remember good times at that Bethel Tri years ago. And then I started wishing I could just kick off the skis and just RUN up the hills... I realized that would be easier. 

This is getting so long. Sorry. 22K ended up being really really long. 

Oh.. it was so hard. My hip flexors were on FIRE. I was using muscles that have been dormant apparently. I was trying to wake them up in a Big huge way and they were rebelling.  I know I'm in decent shape... by no means am I near my best fitness right now. AT All! But I have a good strong base and I do workout most days of the week. But wow... I felt like I had just jumped off a 3 years couch sit and into something I was NOT cut out for. I do realize technique is huge in nordic skiing. I get that. I think it's a lot like swimming that way. However, aerobically, this sport is intense. It is intense. 

I went around and around and like in an Ironman, I said to myself, "IF you just keep moving forward, you will get there eventually."   

I guess it was around mile 9 when my garmin died. My HR was averaging in the upper 170s.  I just stopped too and told myself to breath. Relax. Time to just ski. I was done trying to go faster than I could manage. I was way way way wayyyyyyyy behind almost everyone and it was ok. I was already proud of what I had done and decided to just get through it the best I could. 

The final stretch was out of the woods and across the street and back up the hill to the field house. THere were about 6-7 volunteers shoveling snow on the road for us to cross. I smiled and said something, and then FLOP! I fell FACE first into the snow. Flat on the road. Right in front of the group. The first batch of people I'd seen in a while and I wiped out. Lovely. I am so graceful it's not even funny. 

I got up, laughed and hammered on to the finish which they announced was 1 mile away. The guy next to me, who actually seemed even MORE trashed than I was, if that was possible, said, "Can it please NOT be a whole mile?!" 

I chuckled. I felt the same way dude. 

WHen I fell, my little running gloves got soaked. I hit the wind on the trails back and my wet gloves froze. Insult to injury.  

I worked hard up the long last hill to the finish loop. 

And then, it was the Most anti climactic finish. Everyone was gone. I was 'that person.' The one "still out there so we have to stay a bit longer."   :) But wait! Mark, Tommy, Nick and Mary Lou were over there cheering my name! Yes! I love my family and friends and wow, was I ever happy to sliddde across that finish. 

2:08! beatiful! My new PR for the 22K!  

And with that, I  clicked off those skis, grabbed the free baguette they gave out, and headed for a few ours of alpine skiing. 

ouch.. 

more on that & a few deep thoughts later. 

Watch out Kikkan! ha.... 

Why yes, I will Stop and talk and have a little drink.  :) 

Should I just shower?

This has been a lost week. I had great plans for myself. I wrote a great training schedule with several key rides, a nice long run ( AND It's even warm today -- at least in the 20s!), and of course a handful of swims. I was looking forward to a full M-F with the kids in school and lots of time to be productive and thorough with everything.

Ha!

Instead.... I have the Flu. Or I had the flu. I'm on the tail end of it. Today I am at least living my life. Mostly. The past few days I've been basically nonexistent. With an asterix. (I'll get to that.. )

I knew today was going to be better as soon as the alarm went off. For one, my bed sheets weren't soaked with sweat {I know, gross, yeah fevers }  or wet from the cold cloths I had to drape over my head all night. I hadn't been up thrashing and coughing all night. I wasn't absurdly freezing despite lots of sweats. I actually Wanted to get up and help make the lunch boxes and get the kids off. I could stand touching my own skin.

The fever is gone and the body aches are much much better. Pretty much gone as of now I'd say. My lungs don't burn when I breath in, but this cough.Eek.  I actually had to pull off to the side of the road as I was driving away from the kid's school. All this stuff starts rattling around in there and things escalate and I choke and have a hard time catching my breath. It's fun.

And, for the first time since Tuesday when I called it quits on a run when I was working my tail off to run a pace/ mile about 45-60 sec slower than normal and my legs felt like Lead, I actually have thought about my training. I opened training peaks, deleted some great workouts and replaced it with "OFF- FLU". My qquestion for today has been, "should I exercise?" I'm calling it that because I KNOW it wouldn't be much of a training session. Hmm..
This is where coaching myself becomes a little tricky.
But, after the last coughing spell and a wee bit of lightheadedness as I got up from folding laundry, I decided, no, just take a shower. One more day to take it easy / recover is NOT going to change your race outcome in June. Or October. Ha! Of course not. Tomorrow is a busy ski meet day & Sunday hopefully I can ski with the family myself. And that's my decision.

Speaking of having the flu... I honestly don't remember the last time I had this. I know the last time I was sick was Oct 2011. I came down with that bug Saturday ....exactly One week before Kona. Yikes. I flew out on Monday-- fever, nasty cough, and fear. Long story short-- some luck, some meds, and some rest and I was good to go on race day.
I'm off the point.
It's Never fun to be sick. Not when you're 5, 13, 28 or 44. Never. But geez, when you're Mom, you basically have to just "fake it." Now, I work from home so I am lucky that way. The past few days I 'survived' {that's what it felt like} the morning rush from 6-9 and then DROPPED to the couch and stayed there until the last possible second when I had to put on the game face and go. It took all my energy to take my sweats off and clothes on. I think I brushed my hair. I hope so. I was miserable and freezing. I couldn't put enough on. The fever made me shake foolishly or gasp for air because I was so hot. My body hurt. It took so much effort just to be. But, I got through a ski meet, went to a p.m. meeting that wasn't happening that day, (yeah, you read that right.I know.. ), made dinners, helped with homework, drove back and forth to practices and school and cheering ( silently ) at a spelling bee, went back to that meeting on the right day ( heehee), and so on. My husband was out at meetings for two of my sick nights so it was all suck it up Mom for me. I had little pity parties and wanted someone to come to me and put a cold cloth on my head and give me ginger ale. It didn't happen. sigh....
Now, I am on re-entry mode and while I'm not 100%, I am alive enough to see what has happened around here. Or rather, what hasn't happened. Yikes. I need myself back, now!
Good thing this only happens every few years or so!
My suggestion? GET your FLU shot!!!!

Time for that shower. Maybe I'll train tomorrow.

Back to where it all started.

I just turned 44 a week ago today. My Birthday is just 7 days after New Year's and 7 days before my husband's  Birthday. ( Happy Birthday Mark! )

While I enjoy having fun on New Year's and celebrating the past year and the possibilities ahead, my Birthday is when I truly reflect and plan. 

This week, I have decided it's time to plan my races for the season. You see, I am floundering a little right now. For the first time since starting the sport of Triathlon, I am on my own. I am coach-less. That's a whole other blog. Or maybe not. My reasons are plentiful and yet I am not sure I'm happy here 'by myself.' It's hard. I am a Coach to others and find that comes very naturally but I can literally Stare at my blank training log for way way too long and then just click X because I have no idea where to start. 

It's a little bit of a mystery. I am absolutely internally motivated. That's not the problem. 

But it's getting better. I am beginning to make sense of myself and the direction to take.  

This is a big year for me. I'm going back to Kona. I won't say I'm "lucky" because I worked my TAIL OFF To get that spot. There really wasn't any luck involved. Ok, I guess I was Lucky that the 2nd place age group winner passed up her spot in Cozumel. I stand corrected. That was lucky. 

Moving on-- 

I made a race plan, finally. 

I think it's just right.  I have a nice mix of old and new. Just like the song. "Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and other gold."  

I am going to kick off the race season with a New race ( to me ) that's been on my Bucket list for a while.
Eagleman 70.3!!!!  I'm totally excited about this.  That's in June.
Then... 

I have a gap... From June 8 --- August 17th--- I'm not sure what to do there. 

I will likely run a 10K with my son on the 4th of July again. And, I may do my hometown 10K that's grown to be this mega-race that's hard to get into ( Beach2Beacon ) 

Here's where I go back in time a bit and I think it's the right thing to do given my unknown future beyond this season --- 

Timberman 70.3!  This was my FIRST Half Ironman way back when. I raced there with Mary just 8 months after my shoulder surgery to fix up my rotator cuff post- bike crash. I remember being SO Nervous and quite frankly, scared, to go that distance. It was an overwhelming feeling that day! I still remember.... 

I think I should go back and tear it up. Go after that course and show myself what I've accomplished and grown into over the years in this sport. The more I think about it, the more I like this plan. {Even if it IS a hard hard time to leave camp in the summer right before school starts... :( that part is very hard. } 

Next up, I am thinking about another old Favorite that I haven't raced in years but was one of my first Triathlons. The Lobsterman Oly in my "other" hometown of Freeport, ME. 

My husband has done it annually and I have sat out and cheered for various reasons.  I think it's time to go back..... 

From there... It's all about Hawaii. In fact, the whole season is all about Hawaii but now I have some stepping stones placed to help keep me fresh and sparky for that big day.  

NOW --- time to get at it & Train!!! 

T- 40 minutes to  Power Test #1 of the year.  

woohoo!! 

Part 4 of my Ironman Cozumel Experience-- The Final Chapter

The goals I set for myself when I race aren't necessarily private and personal, but I also don't talk about them a lot. If someone nails me down and I feel it's appropriate with that person, I may mention what times I want to hit or other details of my race plan. However, my reasons behind the goals are personal.  The why behind all of this is between me, myself and I. That's all there is to it. I have grown up in sport, I stepped away from competition for a number of years and now I'm back into it and the reason I keep on trying is found deep inside me. And, those reasons are strong and powerful. But they must be kept to myself. They don't mean anything to anyone else and while I try to be open and honest in this blog, I do not tell all.  I think all that matters is that I say and assure you that this meant an incredible amount to me.

That is why the day after my Ironman on 12/1 was almost harder than the 10 hours I spent racing.

Ironman day is hard. You start full of uncertainty, excitement, anxiousness and to some degree, a bit of fear. Once moving, much of that dissipates for me and I just do what I do. All day long, I swim bike and run. I train for that and on race day, I just get out there and execute. The pain and fatigue are inevitable, but I train for that too. My mental strength takes over and I fight back and fight to the end.

My results this time were very good. I am proud of my racing and proud of how I placed. I was 3/ 93 in my agegroup. 24th women with all the Pros mixed in  and 188th out of the entire male/ female field. I'll take it!

I don't plan to do a lot more Ironman racing {though don't' hold me to anything, it's only been a week } and I had a HUGE goal of 'ending' out on the Big Island. The Ironman site predicted 3 spots for my age group. Our age group was the largest women group. And so on. I could only hope. I was 3rd in TX by just a few minutes and now 3rd in Coz by only 4 minutes. I was thrown in the penalty tent for 4 minutes ( grrr...), and they shortened the swim on my by 1/2 mile costing me a bit more time to try to put a lead on folks too. I was feeling a little short-changed.  But that's the way it went  and I couldn't do a darn thing about it.

Monday morning arrived and I was in Miserable pain. Walking was a joke. My abs hurt, my arms hurt, my shoulders were sore and my legs, ha! The were just stiff and sore! My feet hadn't swelled too much....yet. Believe me, by Wednesday on our travel day, they were unrecognizable. Stiff balls of puff from my calves down.

We hustled out of the condo and hit the beach. I was happy and relaxed for a while. But the slot allocation was set for 4pm and after about 1:00, my stomach started swirling again. I needed to know....

____

I walked over to the wall where the guy was hanging pieces of paper with the results printed out. I didn't care about that part. I knew my time, my place, and a few other details. What mattered was the piece of paper off to the side. The one that read: SLOT ALLOCATION.

And with this, my heart broke. I felt a HUGE lump in my throat and I had to make eye contact with Mark so he'd know where I was, and take off around a corner by the pool. I DO NOT like to be seen feeling sorry for myself or being emotional because I "lost" or anything like that. I am private and to myself about those things. I was disgusted with myself, but I seemed to be out of control of my reaction and the tears just came.

Again. Again I was 3rd by a teeny bit over the course of a huge day and again, they had two measly spots for us. Hey, that is life in this sport. It is not easy to get that coveted spot on the Kona starting line and it's getting harder. More and more Ironman races around the globe = fewer and fewer spots at each race.  The number of starters in Hawaii isn't increasing. It's nobody's fault. These numbers are based on a % of the people in each group that starts on race day. Clearly, many more men take on the 140.6 mile race than women. But it's still hard to see 5 & 6 spots for some of the male groups vs 2 in ours. C'est la vie.

I walked around the corner where I was out of sight and away from the crowd. Hundreds of athletes were starting to come in. Mark found me and we talked a few things over. I was so sad. I really just felt sad. The amount of time and effort that went into this last Ironman, surpassed all before. I am not alone in that. That is the name of the game in Ironman, it takes everything you have to get it done well.  Hundreds of others around the corner could tell a similar story too. Of course, that didn't make me feel better. I spent several minutes feeling sorry for myself, sad at the notion that my final Ironman was done and realizing that it probably just wasn't meant to be.  I had to get a grip.

For those of you who don't know how it works, this is the deal. From 4:00-5:00 the people who won their spots can show up to this spot, with their cash in hand, and accept their Spot to the World Championships. After that, it gets a little more complicated. However, the easy part is this. For my age group, there were two spots allocated. I was 3rd. If either of the top two women said, "no thank you" to their spot, it would go to me next.  My friend Karen won our age group and I knew she was going to Kona. As I said in my earlier blogs, I was thrilled for her. She worked tirelessly towards this goal and earned big time. I didn't know the woman who was 2nd but after they called my age group, I saw Karen and another woman up at the table smiling and hugging and I just assumed.

From 4 to 5:00 was really really long. And, I didn't have any hope.

Mark had wandered around and found some people to talk to. I was strolling around by myself. I spent a few minutes sitting by the pool talking to Cameron.  Trying to stay busy, I walked  over to mark and met these great people and we chatted about the race, about her desire to get to Kona as well, and our mutual understanding of things made me feel better and distracted me a bit. Part of me wanted to just leave. I honestly thought there wouldn't be a single chance for a spot from an older age group to land at my group. People take their slots and that is that. My age group was the biggest, but I still had lost all hope. The award ceremony started at 6:00 however, and I knew I should stay for that. Top 3 were podium finishers and it's always a thrill to be honored that way. As I said, I was very happy and proud for what I had accomplished. I didn't want to short - change myself of that. I just took deep breaths and kept it all in perspective and thought hard about the amazing experiences I have already had in Hawaii.

Then, something happened that I will likely never forget. It's something small that may seem like nothing to most of you reading. But to me, it was very touching and a moment I'll remember.

My son Tommy walked over with a look in his eye. My kids knew I was sad. They watch me train and hear me talk about things. They live this with me and know how much it matters. They understand how it all works.  Tommy is about to turn 12 on Friday. He's a spirited little boy who is big into sports, his friends and just being a "typical" pre-teen boy. (whatever that means :) ) But he is also, and always has been, the most sensitive and caring child. His heart is huge.

He walked over to me and very gently took hold of my arm. I looked at him. Very quietly he said, "Mommy. She hasn't come yet. The 2nd place lady isn't here."
It was 4:40.

My eyes widened and I inhaled. Really?

He just smiled and said, "Maybe you will get it Mommy."

It felt so sweet to me the way he did this. The fact that he was paying enough attention for nearly an hour at that point to know this. The poolside was very crowded and the athletes were coming in and out and there was no true organized way they were gathering.  But, he knew.

The waiting became harder again. But now, I had a small smile. A hope. I was watching the crowd like crazy. I talked to my friend Karen, who had won, and she confirmed what Tommy said and she told me what the girl looked like.

With about 5 minutes to go before 5:00, I walked over to the guy in charge of things. I said, "I just wanted to confirm that there was still a spot left in my age group."
He asked me my age, and my name.
Then he smiled, turned to me and put his hands on both my shoulders and said, "Stay Calm. And, get your money ready."

Ok, I almost just cried again as I wrote this.

I stood nearby and waited. The kids  & Mark were next to me. Finally...

They called my name. As they had for all the other athletes accepting spot, the crowd cheered and yelled Congrats.

Totally psyched. I was happy happy happy.

Mission Accomplished!

The End!!!

Ironman Cozumel Part 3 - It's all about the Run

I hobbled happily off that bike of mine, handed it off to a volunteer and ran toward the T2 rack. 

I felt a renewed energy and was excited to hit the road running. Fair game for all.... 

The racks where they had us hang our transition bags were small and crowded. The tape with our Numbers written on them were peeling off and hard to read. My section wasn't labeled and I struggled to find my bag. It felt like forever. The #1620 is hard {for me!} to say in Spanish!! 

I dumped my bag and began rushing to don my shoes for the run... and visor, garmin, glasses, gels, and so on.. Once again, the volunteers just stood there and didn't help. They couldn't speak my language and I couldn't speak theirs. I also didn't have the desire to try after my 113 mile frustrating bike ride. :) 

I was almost ready to go, but still needed my gels and garmin. I looked down where my gear had been dumped and it was all gone. One of the ladies had re-bagged all my stuff and cinched the bag up. ARGH! I wasn't done!! I had to undo it and fumble through all the junk again. grr.. 

I headed quickly into the portopotty since I thought I had to go and Hoped too since being hydrated is critical. Ok... what is UP with the bathrooms there???? I thought it was poor planning at the swim start when there was no paper in the toilets ( and I was Early! ) but here we go again. Not only wasn't there paper, there wasn't a Place for the paper! I had seen a box with rolls and rolls of TP in it on a table in the T2 tent and wondered... but it was way over there and obviously, I wasn't' going to Leave the bathroom, go over to the table way over there , grab a roll and go Back to the bathroom.  Very strange. And, not so good either! {Seems like they could have told us this pre-race....} also  ( Later in my trip I encountered many restaurant bathrooms with No toilet Seats!??? At the airport too... it was like that everywhere. Strange and gross indeed. blek. )  

The signage at this race was pretty much  nonexistent so simple things like Running OUT of the T2 tent was a challenge. Which way do I go? I couldn't say this in Spanish  at that time either, so of course several volunteers just looked at me in confusion as I asked how to get out.  I tell ya....   

After what felt like forever, and was in fact an absurdly long T2 split, I hit the road running. 

Eek! Time to turn this around and have some FUN!!! 

 It was HOT and you know, my legs were pretty heavy!!! I was hoping to feel light and springy but I guess it wasn't quite time for that!! No problem, this is normal. Just run...  I just ran and knew I'd come into it soon. Those first few steps almost always hurt. 

The crowds were awesome and I was ready to finish the race well. I had No idea where I was in terms of placement... no idea. But the run course, like the bike, was a 3 loop treat so I knew I'd find out soon enough if I was in front, or behind.  Head up, arms down, keep feet quick and just go..... 

My pace was quick for the first few miles. But my heart rate  was too high. I tried and tried to back off and get that down.... but instead, it kept rising! Argh.. Not yet! The heat was climbing and I knew that was why. I stuffed 3 or 4 gels into my shirt, a coin purse for salt, and 2 clif shot blok packs! ha.. cute!! Who cares. Arms low, relax, head up, brain off...... 

just go.... 

that was my mission... just keep going.... 

I drank and drank. I didn't need to walk.. I just tried to keep it controlled and steady. Where am I? Where is "she?" I was off to find out what the race was all about now. 

I will not lie. It hurt. A lot. I was hellbent to stay positive and to 'care.' But you know what? It's easy to stop caring. It's easy to decide you just want to stop. It's so damn easy to think you don't really care anymore. When it hurts that much, when you're that tired, and hot, and you think you might not have a shot, it seems like you should just walk. 

That ride was long and made me angry but the run is where it all comes down. What do you have in you? Are you going to fight? Or give in. 

I had to work for it. I had to work for my fight. And I'm happy to say, and proud to say too, that I found my "fight."  I never really lost it, I just had to work hard to get it back up the surface.  

This helped:  :) 

Check out this little series of photos my husband caught. 

The 3 boys who had been up since 4:20 a.m....standing around, waiting, driving in crowds for hours... they all stood watching for me while I was nowhere in sight.... 

Still waiting  

I was coming now.... Tommy moved up to get close... Nick is still attentive....

Tommy leaned right at me and hollered so many enthusiastic cheers, and funny comments that are "jokes" between the two of us, just to make me smile {he did!!} .... Nick has his arms out and yelled GO MOMMY ,Love you!  {seriously! it doesn't get any better!!} as I got to him, Cameron was right there and I remember hearing, " you are doing so well Mommy..."--- they saw me FIVE times on this run and never ever waivered in their enthusiasm.... 

I think you can see the pain on my face.... but those 3 kids were RIGHT THERE for me. No "pre-teen I'm too cool and bored for this today" nonsense. They were my rockstars!!!! My YOU CAN DO THIS push- all day long. {Thank you boys. Thank you Mark. This trip to Hawaii is for you too. Love you!!! }

I have no idea what my problem was at this point but Nick looks like he's wringing his hands thinking, "Hmmm... what can I say right now that will help..."  :) :) 

 I ran and ran and ran. Sometimes I ran harder than others. On my way out on the first loop, I saw my friend Karen PM that I met when I went to a training camp in TX. She was KICKINGBUTT!!!!! And, I couldn't have been more happy for her. Even if she was in my age group and ahead of me. :) I know she has worked SO hard for this and I am pretty sure she has done 4 Ironmans in the last 13 months with a fight for her Kona spot. It made me smile to see her having a great day. The question was, who else was ahead of me? I was fine with Karen being up there, but nobody else. :)  :) Shortly after this, I saw Michelle S. She confirmed that one other lady in my age was up there. Ok.... work to do. And, I had no idea if there was still a shot for me.  Would there be 3 spots or only 2 again. We had been hearing 3. You just never know.

I wasn't running as fast anymore and I was sad to see the pace I had slowed to, but I was running. I only walked here and there through aid stations to get the fluids in. I took a few gels ( or only 1? not sure) and I ate some clif bloks, I felt ok. I was very very hot though. I had to go to the bathroom Badly ( I think that was the problem in the pictures above ) and there were only a couple portopotties out there on the course.

My mantra during the run became.... "Just keep running because you never know..."
I was hot, but it was hot for everyone. I was tired, but of course I was! And of course everyone else was. You never know if someone else, someone ahead of you, was going to start walking. Or cramp up. OR, if someone behind me was close. I had to hold on. I had some very low spots but then I rallied... I rallied hard. I fought back. I wasn't about to give up after all the effort that went into this.

I headed out on the third loop and the sky was BLACK black black!!!

It started to rain. Yay!!! But then, it started to POUR!!! I mean, POUR. Torrential hard heavy big fat rain. It FELT really nice. It was hard to see..but it felt good! :) The problem however, is that the roads there don't drain. The roads became basically flooded. Huge deep puddles filled the roads so much of the time we were splashing through water that covered our shoes. It was literally that deep. The sun did come back out and that was ok too, but now our feet were heavy with water. It was a little crazy. Also, some of the aid stations went a little berserk during the rain storm and some athletes had trouble getting drinks etc for a while.

I actually started to feel better as the run went along. I pushed harder and while my pace never went back to where I wanted it, it didn't slow down Too much. I did have to make a bathroom break towards the end .... just had to ... and that took time I shouldn't' have spent.

I never really knew where I was in the race. Just that I had to stay the course. Keep pushing, You just never know....

I finally saw town again. I had hope of reaching the finish line after all . The buildings never seemed to get closer though. It was as though I was running in place. I felt like I was separated from my body. I was moving closer and closer to the end in my mind, I could feel it. But my body wasn't going forward. I could hear the finish line but was I moving? The rain had stopped but I was slogging through ankle deep water in the road. People near me were going backwards... did that mean I was in fact moving?

Just keep going.... just keep going .... you never know. Run harder.  You will get there.

Even though my mid-race stupor at mile 3 of a 26.2 mile hot & humid run said, "oh it's ok, you're a big girl and can deal with defeat. You have been to the Big show twice, you have done it! It's ok if you don't this time."
Ha! That is NOT what was in  my heart and soul. That is not how I felt. I realized this during that run, I snapped OUT of the I'm so hot and tired pity party and Fought back. And I'm so happy and proud that I did.

Near the end, the rain started again..... my race photos are in my mind and in the eyes of my kids and my husband. The camera had to be saved and put away in the bag but turning the corner to the Finish and crossing the line is something I will Never ever forget. I did it with a huge smile and satisfaction knowing I gave it Every single ounce I had that day. I played fair, I raced smart and I raced hard.

race time: 10:05*( 141.2 miles ) ---- 3rd age group-- 9th amateur woman

There's a  little more left to the story.....  :) :)

coming soon.....

Ironman Cozumel 2013 - Part 2- The Ride: Holding my head High

The long 112 mile ride of an Ironman race holds so many possibilities. It's the hardest part of the race for me because I have 'anxiety' about getting a flat or having some other mechanical issue that can ruin the race. This happened to me in Texas. 

On Sunday, I felt as ready as I ever have to ride a very strong 112 miles. I worked so hard this year on my bike and rode many many miles. 

I felt strong and solid right out of the gate. The heavy, achey, tired feeling that sits with you during most of the training season, was gone. I was rested and ready. Game on! 

The heat wasn't bad at all in the early hours. The roads on first leg weren't smooth,  but they were decent  and my bike seemed to be riding well.  I pushed pretty hard to start and had to consciously back off a few times.  Remember Ange, this is 112 Not 56 mi.....easy easy...many many miles and hours to go....   That's a big rule in Ironman racing-- do NOT ride too hard. It will bite you where it hurts on the run. 

I cruised along and started drinking bottle after bottle. I was watching my clock and getting in the fluids perfectly. I ate every 40 min without a hitch. All was good.... 

However, only a short while into the ride and it became very clear that some racers were out for a fast split and not worried about a fair game. It was one big drafting game out there. I've seen it before but this time, it felt worse. And I'll get to that... 
This course is a 3x Loop and the road is flat. That's the perfect recipe for a crowded course that supports those who Try to draft and causes drafting by accident even when you try to avoid it.  ( Drafting is when you ride within 4 bike lengths of the person in front of you. If you get passed, you are supposed to drop back that far , you aren't supposed to ride next to anyone and so on... there are a handful of rules but those are key... )  
It was absurd. Many packs with at least 15++ riders went by me. They were Absolutely intentional.  There were even small groups of 3-6 riders who were taking turns leading with the others sitting on each other's wheels. It was blatant cheating. 

Meanwhile, I worked very hard to stay out of draft zones. I would sit up, brake and ride a lot more slowly on and off throughout the whole race to avoid these packs and other riders. There were many many times I was face with either a) riding slowly or b) surging Hard for a while to get by 5-6 or possibly 10 people to find a clean zone again. You see, when it's that crowded, you may pass one person but then you're smack behind another one again and into that person's draft zone.  In addition, So many athletes do NOT drop back when they are overtaken. Hey, it's a huge drag!!! But those are the rules. This went on and on all day.... 
And then, on loop 2 at about mile 50, I made a pass. No big deal. I think I did it just right. Once the pass was made, I was out front. There was nobody in front of me for a bit so that was nice. I heard someone behind me yell something though. I couldn't hear him. Then I saw the Marshall on the moped. No big deal, I was one of the ones playing fair. Go get 'em I thought. Go penalize all those cheaters. I was feeling crabby and angry at all I'd be watching around me. It ruins the sport for all of us I think. 
Instead, the guy yelled at me. What? 
"Pull over on the right!!!"  He snapped. 
"Me?"
What did I do???? 
I still don't know. I assume I somehow got into the draft zone of another. Maybe I didn't make my pass fast enough? Not sure. But after trying so hard to do it right, and watching others Purposely cheat, I was heartbroken. In fact, as I write this I almost feel like crying. 
But at that time, I was FURIOUS! I rode like a crazy person for about 5 more miles until I came to the next Penalty Tent. I had to stop, sign a paper, get my bib # marked with a red check, and wait 4 minutes. 
I avoided looking at the road. I didn't want to see the women who flew by me while I stood there. I thought to myself, "there goes my Kona spot." 
tick
tock
tick
tock.

"Ok, you can go... " 

So off I went.... onto the windiest part of the course. I rode alone and fought the head and crosswinds. My speed was slow, it was very hot, and I was trying like hell not to lose my faith. 

___


The day was getting hotter and the winds were stronger. The ocean was beautiful on the windy leg of the course but it was hard to enjoy when I was fighting the winds and heat. I felt good, but was growing concerned because while I had been drinking at least 1.5 bottles/ hour, I didn't have to go to the bathroom. In Ironman racing, this is not good. Not good at all. The calories and fluids were going in though. I stopped at special needs to get my 3 bottles of Perform. I threw the course gatorade out at that time and took off with my fresh cold bottles. Wait... 20 seconds down the road and I realize, they were STILL Frozen!!!???? This was not good. I decided to give it until the next aid station to warm up or else I'd have to throw at least one away and go back to gatorade. I had to drink! 
It worked, they defrosted and with effort, I began to get enough to drink. geez... never guessed That would happen!

I started loop 3 even more hyper-vigilant about drafting. If you get 3 strikes, you're DQ'd. Ha.. imagine if that happened! So I slowed down what felt like 100 x to avoid getting stuck in a zone. I also started to have some issues with the fluids. My stomach felt full.... but it took my by surprise when without warning, I just threw up. Not a lot, but enough.  In fact, it happened about 4 times. :( Ugh. I know, disgusting. I don't like talking about these things but honestly, this stuff is reality and important during endurance racing.  Nutrition and hydration matter as much as your pacing during these races. I had to just hope I would be able to continue to eat & drink. I knew I had to modify something I was doing so I just committed to a ~30 min break. I'd ride and let myself settle and hope I'd feel better. I did. It wasn't long before I was taking the fluids in again without any issues. Phew. 

The final 20 miles or so were very frustrating to me. The hot windy section along the coast was hard. My pace was so slow during that stretch and I saw my time goal slipping away. Meanwhile, more and more riders cruised through that tough section in draft packs or groups-- riding in aero like the wind was at their backs. I was sitting up, pedaling hard, trying to stay straight on the road while the wind pushed me. I was bitter about my penalty as I watched the marshal ride up near these groups, blow a whistle and move on....?? I have a hard time understanding that one. I have a hard time grasping how the marshals can let so many go and I have an even harder time understanding how athletes can hold their heads up at the end of the day knowing they didn't play fair. 

On the final long road before hitting T2, my anger go the best of me and I had a few pushes on the pedals where I rode like I would in an Olympic distance race. I absolutely Had to get away from a long line of riders that were causing me to ride way below my race pace. The course was too crowded and congested and  I wanted to get onto the run where it was every person for him/ herself no matter what.  

I hit 112 miles and noted my time... below 5:30. Yes! I subtracted the 4 min penalty time just for kicks and felt even happier. I rode my fastest every 112 miles. I noted that in my head and smiled. But there was still >1 mile left of this course so I kept pushing to find that T2 tent.  

Ahhhh.... there it is ... the dismount line.  I love that moment.... 


113+  miles ---  5:32

Ironman Cozumel 2013

MEXICO MADNESS 

My 6th Ironman race is now done.  Thank Goodness!!!!  I love this sport but woah, the weight off my shoulders right now is huge. Each one has left me with many intense feelings and stories but this one is a little bit different. Rather than sit at my desk struggling for the perfect opening sentence to capture my readers, I will just start telling my story and hope the words flow smoothly and my emotions can be felt from where you sit. 

We traveled to Mexico on Thanksgiving Day this year. I felt some guilt for taking my boys and husband away from the 'typical' gathering around the table, however, both our parents joined us at our home the previous Sunday to celebrate the holiday.  We were thankful for that and also thankful for having the opportunity to take our kids on this adventure to a different country this year. The day went smoothly and after hours of flying and then boating across the Gulf from Playa del Carmen, MX to the little Isla de Cozumel, we stood on the balcony of our rented condo and looked out at this: 

Not too bad!  Our accommodations were amazing at the condo and we had plenty of room to spread out and be comfortable. I was feeling lucky to have found the perfect spot to spend a week with the family and to relax/ prepare for the race. 

I prepared as best I could for heat at this race. But the challenging element that presented itself even more as we arrived was the wind. Red flags were up on beaches and the thought of trying to ride a bike in the wind was quite daunting. To me, it felt hurricane-like. Our condo had three big areas with sliding glass doors that we couldn't open because the curtains and other things around the house were blowing too intensely. There was a small beach at our place but there was No way I was letting my kids swim yet. I didn't even "dare" go in! The waves and surf were too massive and since I didn't know about rip currents etc at this spot, I put my foot down and dealt with the pouting boys.  Safety first! :) 

The forecast was promising for Sunday in terms of calming winds, however, the practice swims at the race site were cancelled both Friday and Saturday because of strong currents. This was a bit nerve wracking. I could deal without a pre-race swim, but what did that mean for race day? Was I facing the potential of an "Ironman" without a swim? That would be a serious game - changer for me not to mention, result in a race that wasn't really an Ironman. The thought of all the hard early morning training for nothing made me sick to my stomach. I tried to stay calm. 

Friday was also the day to get race 'errands' done. Packet pick up, bike pick up from TriBike, groceries, a workout, and so on..... Mark and I found the small island somewhat difficult to get around with poorly marked Ironman venues.  I wasn't impressed yet.... 

On Saturday, I let them in the water. The water was still pretty crazy ( this doesn't show it very well) but the kids were fine and had a blast. The water was very warm, crystal clear, and the big waves thrilled my 3 boys.  They're all about big waves and action these days. 

The day before the race--I'll keep this brief and get to the race. I stayed off my feet. I ate so many white carbs and drank so much fluid that I felt like a beached whale by the end of the day. The winds calmed, the heat rose, and our wifi was OUT. This is relevant because that is how Ironman had communicated with the athletes about the cancellation of the practice swims. Were we ok for race day?? I had to assume Yes. That day, we had to drive to the location of the swim start to rack the bikes & drop off T1 bags but at that point there was no word on any changes to the race.  At the athlete meeting the day before, they told us to bring T1 and T2 bags to that location. However, once there they said we had to go back in town to drop the Run bags. ( two transition spots). The logistics of these races can make it challenging for those of us trying to stay out of the heat and off our feet the day before the race. I think the whole process took 3 hours with all the driving, waiting in line and two locations. Not ideal...

__________


Race day-- 3:55 alarm & I was up eating and thankfully, checking my ipad to see if we had wifi yet. We did. The many thoughtful Good luck notes friends and family had sent the day before came filing through my inbox. THANK YOU to all of you who sent me those nice notes. Each and every one meant so much and gave me a burst of strength from home. But then, my eye caught the one from the Ironman peeps. Sh$^#*$**!!!!!!!!!!

The race that I had put in Countless hours and so much hard work was now going to have an ** at the end of it.  The subject line of the email read:  MODIFIED SWIM COURSE FOR FORD IRONMAN COZUMEL

I am not kidding when I say my heart skipped a beat and started racing. I know this has happened at other races and they have even cancelled swims before. That didn't make me feel better. 
"They " say you can't Win a Triathlon on the swim. True enough. It takes a solid performance in all 3 legs. But, I can get a lead and believe me, that is part of my race plan. 
While I felt relieved that we still had Any swim, I was angry and I was worried. Our 2.4 mile starting leg was now 1.9 miles. I had no idea what this would mean to the day..... 
All I knew was that I was going to swim even harder than I already planned. 
Onward. 

We were out the door with all 5 of us by 4:45. My kids are such rock stars when it comes to this stuff. Seriously, they got up and out of there without a single squeak about the obnoxiously early hour. We buckled into the jeep and little Nick even said positively, "I just love the feel of the cool air in the morning." :)  Love them... and so happy they were with me at that moment. My calm before the storm.

One last hug before I went one way & they went the other....

The swim change also changed our race morning start location. We now had to do our thing at T1 and then find a bus that was taking us to the new start location at a hotel down the road. As a result, race morning was now hurried and confusing. All 3000 (approx- not sure the # of racers ) of us piled off the buses and funneled onto the small beach.  I found Michelle Simmons and Nalani pretty easily and was reallly happy about this. I hoped to swim near them (they are Fast so I Hoped to keep up!!) and it was really great to have friends to navigate our new chaos with at that moment. 

In the email about the swim change, we were told we would start ON the beach approx "knee deep."  The pros swam out to deep water to 'line up' near some buoys. I wondered why they were different. Whatever. ... 

But it was now time for us and everyone swam off the beach and out to the buoys. Huh?? 

ok... go with them! Michelle, Nalani and I swam out and lined up near the front. At this point, we were Supposed to stay between the two buoys and not any further. The swim was Already shortened after all!!!! 

Yeah... this didn't happen and the people in charge were HORRIBLE at controlling the athletes. This was just the beginning of what became, in my opinion, a horribly unfair race day full of cheating.  I felt sick to my stomach. Many many manyyyyyy athletes began to "drift' further and further out.... many even reached the "next" buoy. Michelle appropriately used the word "conflicted." Yes, exactly.  I race fair. I race hard. I expect others to do the same. But now the people we were racing were starting ahead of us. Since the people in charge that day were clearly not going to control things, they took advantage of it.  We stayed at the start line. I wasn't about to shorten my 140.6 mile race even more. I had big goals for placing and for time and what was this doing to it all?? If there were women I would be racing out in that pack that drifted way ahead of us, did I have a chance now? The day was starting with a big sour feeling in my gut.  I was immensely disappointed in things and hoped I could "make it up" with my hard efforts. Karma. Right? I hoped....

No starting gun or buzzer or yell was heard but arms began thrashing and I just started swimming-- Hard! 

I was hit and pushed around a little, but nothing like a few other races I've done. I was never underwater or unable to move. I swam hard and found some space. I felt more frustration as I swam past people that were Clearly not good swimmers. They were struggling and quite slow. I am not sure why those folks place themselves at the front of the pack. It was hard to get through some of those bunches. Not much more to say except while I felt strong, I began to feel sick as it went along. Really sick. I thought I might throw up in fact. I think I was "sea sick." I had swallowed a few big gulps of sea water and though I couldn't feel it too much, I am sure we were rolling up and down a lot and it upset my stomach a lot. Towards the end, I felt the current change and it was harder to move forward. I was swimming mostly with men, but there were a few women around.  I just pushed on and hoped I was putting time on some people. I hit the stairs and was psyched to be running toward T1. My husband is very tall so I could easily find him in the crowd. They hadn't seen me get out of the water,  so I slowed a bit and made sure to wave and get their attention. Later, Tommy told me I looked like I had been beat up. Yeah... the goggles KILL my eyes every time. I felt like had been beat up kiddo. 

I ran to transition with Michelle and was really happy I had been able to swim "with" her. 

I got my bag from the rack  ( not easy to find but easier than T2... more on that later )  and hit the tent. 

I was one of the top 10 swimmers.... I saw only 4 or 5 other women in the tent at that time. And yet, I had NO help from the volunteers.  It was odd. I had 3 or 4 volunteers standing at me, but they didn't nothing. Great. I also couldnt' really ask for much help because they were all Mexican and my Spanish is well... pretty much nonexistent with the exception of a few key sentences I learned along the way in school. Not much use during an Ironman transition!! haha

I dumped my bag and started rushing to get stuff on. I felt a nasty chafed spot under my left arm. ( I felt it starting while I was swimming- salt water does that every time despite loads of body glide. ) I asked if anyone had Vaseline. Despite the fact that I didn't say this in Spanish, they understood. I pointed quickly to the spot and someone helped me with that. However, Next thing I knew, another lady was GOBBING tons of Vaseline up and down my Right arm!? I had a Huge wad of it all over my arm. Gross. Ahh... I had to say, "Please stop!!!" 

Ugh. 

I ran out of there and luckily, navigated my way out of a Very confusing Transition area ( it's a parking lot and bikes were up and down little sections--- a friend told me pre-race that it was like a spider web. Exactly.)  

I saw Mark and the kids as I ran out and that of course, gave me a warm fuzzy as I started the longest ( and most upsetting in this case ) part of the day. 

athletes running out of the water

That's me in red, waving to the guys. 

The very end of the swim course. 

My support crew with Mark behind the camera. 

The logistic for the spectators to get from the end of the swim Back into town to watch the rest of it was a Nightmare and took my family a few hours.  They were stuck behind 100s of people walking and driving.... :( 

Tommy's feeling while they were stuck. :) This cracks  me up... he captures it perfectly!!!

Next up: 

The 113 mile ride.... 

wait? Isn't an Ironman 140. 6 miles?? Not this time......