Thursday, September 22, 2011


Every time I log onto the ironman site for the race, that giant countdown clock stares me in the face. I do not like that clock. I prefer to think of time in weeks...not days.  I don't know why. It's comforting for some reason.

Life has been super busy lately. So busy that I am just going to through a few thoughts down right now.
 First, I have a cold. That's bothering me.  It can't get worse. It' can't. I'm fighting with all the little get rid of a cold quick tricks I know. My boys have all been sick and what worries me, is it's turned into a respiratory thing that doens't quit. I can NOT get that!!!  I won't. If I can fight to the end of an Ironman, I can fight off a damn cold virus.

I'm gettting nervous.  My mind races between total confidence and then back to self- doubt.  This is normal. I just need to get my emotions in check as Coach Kurt would say. 

When I was running the other day, I started thinking about how lucky I am.  This is a hard journey, but it's well worth it in the end.  And I am very grateful for the chance to do this.  So, to say thanks to a few but not all of my help along the way....

Thanks Mark. You really are the best.  You never ever EVER give me a hard time about a single aspect of this sport. I hear stories from others..... people with less than supportive or understand spouses. You are not that way. For some reason, you totally get it. You accept it. You even seem to enjoy it!  Thank you for never grumbling at the cost of this trip or the gear or the fees. You never grumble when I got to bed early day after day or act cranky because I've done 14 hrs of training in 3 days and feel tired. You always tell me I'm going to crush the race, you always tell me to do my workout whenever it's best for me. You're just the best. Thanks babe.  I will do my best to make you boys all proud of me out there.  I'll do my best to make this trip worth it. 

Thanks Mom and Dad.  You guys got me started in all this!! You taught me something that is what makes all of this work. To never ever give up. Never quit. If you start something, you finish it and you do it as well as you can. Period.  I know what it takes to follow your kids around at their sporting events.  I love it and I know you've loved it too.  But you started about 33 years ago and are STILL doing it!!!!  thank you.  I love having you there. 

Thanks Cameron, Tommy and Nicholas!!   I love you all. You're super little Tri-kids and you get it too. I will be so proud to round the corner on Ali'i drive and have you there this time.   I work to do anything I set my mind to in life and that is exactly what I want you boys to know. You can too!!  Just go for it!  You are so cool about dealing with a Mommy that's crazed and busy and running around training hard.
  Thank you for all the hugs and cheers and smiles.  We're going to have a great trip!!! 

Thanks Mary. We've been in this together for a long time now. We talk it all out. We commisurate and celebrate together. It means the world to have a friend like you to share this with.

Thanks Kurt.  You're guidance has helped me have a tremendous season.  I love that I can keep getting faster at this old age.  You're always there to say the right things and give me the best advice. thanks for taking me on!!!

Thanks Jen.  Your coaching for the few years before was wonderful for me. Our relationship worked and you propelled to where I am now.  thank you for all that 1:1 time!!!

And yeah, thanks body. You're putting up with a lot lately!! I'm refusing to let you get old and weak. I'll fight that for years and years to come.  thanks for allowing me to say NO when you tell me to STOP. I'm about to push you harder than you think possible, once again.  And together, mind and body, we'll crush that course covered in simmering lava.  We're ready.

let's do it!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Just below the surface

I discovered something today.

My emotions about this little Ironman out on that Big Island in the Pacific are

just below the surface.

Wow. I had no idea. I hopped on my trainer today. For two reasons. #1- My son is home sick. I know! Already? He had perfect attendance last year! Bummer and #2  It was 55 degrees and pouring. 

That's all irrelevant. I was on the trainer. I had to watch some TV for my 90 min ride. News? Days of our Lives?  Cooking show ( never while training..), I know! Ironman! My Taped 2010 Hawaii Ironman show.
Perfect. I've seen it at least 10 times. 


People staggering across the Queen K, falling to mush on Alii Drive, the swim start.
My insides churned. I saw the Hill on Palini.
I gripped the bars. 

I listened to the Pros tell their introductions about the brutality of that day. 
They showed the mass of legs under the water. The quiet gurgle before it starts. The nerves on the athletes faces. 
And then, BAM!
the Cannon

And you know what I did? Without even thinking about it or realizing it was coming? I Sobbed!!!! What? I instantly broke into a huge cry. My emotions burst out.

I'm GOING BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Of course, I knew this. I have known is since around 5:00 on July 24th.  Or maybe even a few hours before that. But it's real. It's close. It's inevitable. I am going to race through those intense lava fields, into the Energy lab, through those insanely scary month from tomorrow!!!
Is this real?
Can I do it again? Can I repeat the Ironman I had just over a month ago? Or atleast do as well? Am I ready?
The best in the world go to Kona. The fastest and strongest and fittest Ironman racers all meet up. And I need to be ready to join them.

I had visions of this:

I want all that back again.
I can't wait and yet....I'm scared too.
Ironman is close again.

My head is in the game and my focus is getting sharper.