Sunday, October 31, 2010

A Change in Routine

And apparently, that results in Pain!!

I know there's really no such thing as good pain and bad pain. Seriously, pain is pain. It hurts and it's uncomfortable.

However, I know the pain I feel right now is temporary and is a result of a fun new regime I have going on.

Way way back when I was small (no pun intended), and before the age that many think one should 'specialize in one sport,' I started things off as a swimmer. That lasted, oh, about 15 years.

After my swimming life was over and it ended rather abrubtly with an 800 free relay at the University of Delaware, I turned back to running.

I ran and ran and ran.
And then, I got married. And had a baby. And then another. And then another.

Two years after that, I raced in a triathlon. ( I could say it was my first but I had done a few over the years... just two or three and they were with my creaky college-transportation mountain bikes, I changed my clothes behind a towel after the swim, and I had basically no idea how to ride a bike.)

I love Triathlon now. That is what I call myself. I'm a triathlete. It's still going strong.

And yet, I have decided that a change in routine, a diversion, is needed. I had a great 2010 season. I was able to pull out a few wins, I had a few PRs, and best of all, I had fun. But, things were just a little less than exciting for me. I'm not sure why. I honestly haven't pinpointed that. It was just something inside me. Something was missing.

July 24, 2011 I'll be toeing the line at Ironman Lake Placid for my 2nd time. I have decided that I love that distance. I think it suits me at this age and I truly love the challenge of figuring out how to get through those 140.6 miles with as much strength, power and speed as possible. I'll be ready.

But Before that...I'm turning myself into a Runner again!!!
Yahooooooooooo! I'm totally psyched. January 15, 2011 I'm running the Charleston Marathon in South Carolina.

I trained hard for a marathon a few years ago. Chicago 2007. I was in great shape and felt super confident about my run speed. I flew to the midwest with Mark and met Mary and Andy there for what was supposed to be a fast race. Well, just like this year, the suprise heat wave knocked us down. This was the year they stopped the runners who weren't done by 4:00 or something like that. It was in the 90s with nasty humidity that was held in by the big city walls. Yuck. I failed and didn't even come close to my goal time.
I haven't really been hung up on that race but I do have the desire to be properly trained to run a marathon again.

But why focus on running when I have an Ironman coming?? I'm in Maine. Starting about now, it's too cold (for me anyway) to do my rides outside. Soon, the roads will be wet, snowy, icy and it's impossible to go out. Like many, it's all trainer riding for many many months. I'm ok with it... for a while. And for certain types of rides. But let's be honest, it's a sure way to burn out if you're not careful.
So for now I run,and run, and run. And I love it. I am still swimming and I am still biking, but not as much. After January, those things will pick back up and I will have an amazing run base to carry through the spring.

The other change, the one that is kicking my butt, is a total increase and revamping of my strength program.

I am seeing a personal trainer weekly now. She has me doing things I've never seen or heard of before. Every week a new part of my body is screaming and begging for mercy. I recover from one session in time for the next one and then it's back to wobble around mode. I also bought a TRX system and will incorporate that into my routine soon. As soon as I can move again. And, I hope to join this group of great men and women at this clubhouse where they are led by an instructor through intense cross-fit like workouts. It's sure to be a blast.

The results so far? Almost every day I wake up to a new body part screaming at me. Today is Brutal!! I saw my trainer on Thursday. I had done some plyometrics on my own on Tuesday which left my quads on fire. After Thursday's workout, it hurt to sit. It still hurts to sit. Yesterday morning I ran 11 miles with some good hard efforts mixed in. I showered, ate, and then hopped in the car for a soccer game. A soccer game in which the parents took on the kids. And we PLAYED HARD!!!! Woah!!! It was 90 minutes of all out sprinting and stopping and kicking and moving back and forth and side to side and even a few slams on the ground.

I hurt everywhere today. My hip flexors barely allow my legs to lift themselves to climb the stairs. It still hurts to sit, albeit a bit less. My back muscles are sore, my neck is sore. Oh I have no idea what else. My legs just ache. Yesterday on my run, my glutes pulsed and felt like bruises with every step.

I can't imaging how the 7 miles I'm about to do now will feel.

I think when my body desides to stop rebelling against all the new crazy workouts I'm going to feel and be better than ever.

But for now: OUCH!

p.s. Happy Halloween!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Triathlon Workshop Announcement

If you are a beginner Triathlete or would love to enter your first race in 2011 but have questions about where to begin, please join me during your lunch break for a helpful session.

I will be giving a free clinic at Lululemon Athletica in Portland, Maine on November 15th from 12-1 p.m.

I will help you figure out what races are best for you, what equipment is needed, when you should begin your training for next season, how to train during the winter months and more.

Lululemon is located at 22 Milk Street in the Old Port.

If you have any questions please comment here or drop me an email at

Hope to see you there!!!

Friday, October 22, 2010


I have three.
Three boys.
They are my world.

I am going to stray from my usual triathlon chatter to talk for a bit about my boys. Don't worry, I'll get right back to my swimbikerun babble shortly.
But something happened yesterday that truly had a profound effect on me.

A few nights ago, I went to bed in tears. That sounds a bit too dramatic for what was happening but the truth is, I was at the end of my rope. I ended my day feeling useless. My mothering felt ineffective. I have been feeling totally incapable of reaching through to my boys. I stare at photos taken from earlier years and find myself sad. Things were easier then. I was hardly ever 'mad' or upset with them. We just cruised around doing things you do with babies. We've watched a lot of family videos lately from when the kids were 1, 3 and 5 or ages near that and I tell ya..they were SO cute!! Oh I miss that stuff. Sure, they were much more dependent upon me for the basics in life--getting them dressed, feeding them, washing their faces in the tub, and for that matter, carrying them. But they were small and I was their world. It was easy for me to carry them around, hang their coat on the hook, plunk them in their high chairs for lunch and then throw a ball around the playroom.
I'm totally simplifying things of course. It really wasn't that simple. But somehow, I feel as if I am spinning my wheels right now. The boys are 11, 8 and 6. They are fabulous children. They really are. I'm their Mom so of course I think that but hey, I really do think they are awesome kids.
And yet.... every-single-day I have to tell them the same things over and over and over and over! I tell one not to drop their shoes at the bottom of the stairs, another to put clothes away instead of throwing Clean clothes in hamper because it's easier, please pack your soccer stuff (we do this 5x week so it should be easier by now!), where is your coat?, dont' throw the kickball inside, blah blah blah blha blah. I write things out it all seems SO totally unimportant. But the jist is that I'm talking about basic things around the house that each of us needs to be responsible for. We are a family of 5 and I do feel that as each child grows, he needs to be able to do things for himself and to help keep things rolling along smoothly. Having to explain these things day after day after day after day after day, it starts to feel like nobody is listening.

So that's that.

Last night I was about to go to bed. Mark asked me if Cameron (he's 11) told me the story about Jack. (ficticious name)
Earlier in the evening Cam had told me that there was something he wanted to talk to me about but he never did.
So Mark told me.
Cam started the story by saying that "something happened today with my friends and I hate it when this happens."
At recess, Cameron saw some boys over in a group. Some of them were boys he plays with. As he walked over, those kids ran away and he saw Jack on the groud, hurt. Jack ended up in the nurse's office getting ice for his hurt leg.
Later on at lunch, Cameron was already sitting at a table with some friends. ( I am not sure if they were the same ones that had been bothering and I believe hurting him outside.) Jack came over to sit there too, limping and holding the ice bag.
As Jack started to sit down, this boy that had hurt him, swooped in and 'stole' his seat and left no room for Jack.
Jack left and found an empty table and sat down alone.
The rule in their cafeteria is that once you sit, you stay there. The teachers don't want the kids moving around.
Cameron is a rule follower...Big time. However, he decided to risk it.
He stood up from the table where his friends were sitting and moved to sit with Jack.

When Mark told me this, tears just spilled out of me.

That's My boy. He gets it. He totally gets it. I am actually blown away by how sweet that was and how proud I am of him. Cameron is not the child who is most comfortable in social situations. He has felt awkward along the way while trying to develop friendships. It hasn't been easy for him. And despite the fact that he now feels 'safe' with this group of popular boys, he still went out on a limb to reach out to this poor little guy who was undoubtedly feeling horrible and sad yesterday.

At that moment I realized how undeniably wrong I had been in feeling so much frustration with these little kids.

I was allowing myself to get so hung up on the day to day mundane tasks. The small stuff. The details in our world that make our homes run more smooothly but don't mean one iota in the big picture of life. Who really cares I guess if Nick's shoes are alwasy left at the bottom of the stairs with his coat on the floor?
If I can somehow show these kids that kindness and compassion is what matters, then I feel I have succeeded. Tonight at dinner, I will have Cameron tell his brothers the story. He clearly has a lot to teach all of us.
Thank you Cameron. You're awesome.

I have to 'smack' myself every so often, when things are wild and crazy around the house. These kids are here because I brought them here. I mean truly, I 'made' them! They didn't knock on my door and ask for this life. I brought them into the world and it is my responsiblity, with my husband of course, to show them the way. I am so so insanely lucky to have them all. Two of my 3 kids spent several weeks in the neonatal intensive care when they were born, one was born prematurely via emergency c-section, one was at high risk of brain damage since the cord was wrapped twice around his neck for 12 weeks during my pregnancy (I used my swimming history to 'will' him to do flip turns while he was swimming around in there to unravel himself--it worked!), and yet all of them are incredibly healthy.
I am Lucky!!
So how dare I feel exasperated like I do at times. It's normal, I know, but I need to step back and remember all this. The important things.

My guys:

So after my Proud moment last night with Cameron, I was able to keep the happy Mom hat on and accompany my other little guy to his field trip today!! Oodles of 3rd graders at a cool mine in Western Maine. It was 37 degrees and SNOWING when we arrived! Yikes. It turned out to be a fun day. After learning some interesting facts about all the valuable gems and minerals found on this site we went into a real bona fide cave! Actually, a tunnel. It's a man made tunnel that they used to mine in. Check it out!!!

black tourmaline

open your eyes Tommy!


I'll post again soon and get back to Triathlon!!! I have a few new developments that I'm excited to share. Actually, I've been scheming about things for a while but the plans are finally in place.
I can't wait for 2011!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Mission Accomplished

I am absolutely deconditioned.
And, it's not just my body, but my mind too.
I am supposed to be decondtioned, that was the goal. A good long hard break from training. I needed to step away and stop the grind for a while. I struggled a little bit at first, but then I began enjoying the time off.
I didn't stop thinking about things. I have to admit, I thought about the sport a lot. I have a plan for this upcoming season that is a little different. I am excited and ready for what's coming next.
More on That later.

Back to the present.

I will not lie. I have had a hard morning.

It's Monday, th start of week 4. You see, I just took 3 weeks off. Ok. There were a few short easy runs sprinkled in over the last week. And, a few comical attempts at "yoga" and "pilates" that resulted in this uncoordinated athlete just dropping onto the floor for sit ups and planks.

Today's workout called for a swim. Yay! If you read my blog regularly, you know I love swimming. It's my safe place. My athletic life started in the pool. Swimming is easy for me and it feels great. It feels great to work hard in the pool and it feels great to swim easy for recovery.

However! Because I live in rural Maine and my town doesn't understand how valuable a swimming pool would be (yes, you are sensing a "tone" in my voice)to the community, I am forced to drive 40 minutes to swim. Deep breath.

I am used to it and I am absolutely able to get into the routine that is necessary to fit in my swims.

The alarm goes off at 4:33. I get up, don my sweats, grab my coffee, pick up my pre-packed swim bag, hop in the car, and I'm off. I listen to a strange talk radio station that discusses the possibility of life outside our universe (I'm serious) and then at 4:59 the local radio station morning show comes on and I switch to that. I drink my coffee, always finishing at a certain point in the ride, eat a Luna bar if my workout is long and hard, and just enjoy a quiet ride while the rest of the world is sleeping. I'm home by 7 a.m. so my husband can drive off to work and I am left feeling pretty damn happy that I'm way ahead of the world with a strong swim in the books.

Not today.
Last night, I packed my bag. I wrote my workout on my index card and put it in the baggie. Mark offered to let me swim during the day because he is taking part of the day off. (Columbus day..and we are going to our camp to close up...there's a pool nearby. ) I hurried to the computer to check the schedule. Closed Oct 9-11th. Darn. I really do need to set that alarm.
Deep breath.
It's been a while since I've had to get up at 4:33.

I went to bed way too late. I didn't mean to. But, it just happened. I'm out of practice. I had things to do. I wanted to read this and that. Next thing I knew, it was 10:23. That leaves only a bit more than 6 hrs. Not enough.
Deep breath.

I couldn't sleep. I got up to use the bathroom and by accident, I saw the clock. 10:57. Shoot. Now, it's less than 6 hrs.

It could have been just a short night that made me tired. But I wasn't that lucky. You see, I am sometimes brain smashing migraines. One thing that bothers me the most, is that they come on During the night. For no apparent reason. I wake up with someone pounding a hammer on my head. What gives? I was awake on and off feeling HOT! I was sweating and just miserable. The room was chilly. It was freezing last night and my windows were open. So, who knows. I was sick to my stomach too. Would I have to get up? Not a good night. It's been happening for years and a while ago, I was given a nice strong prescription that sometimes helps. The problem is, it messes with me. I can't adequately describe what the drug does to me but let's just say, it's best when I can take it and go back to bed. At 3:00 a.m. last night, I took some. It was that bad.

4:33. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

deep breath. I stumbled around my room searching for my little pile of clothes. I do it automatically. Just like it was yesterday. But then, I kicked the laundry basket which banged into the table which made a picture fall. ooops. Sorry hun. I'm out of practice.
Worst of all. The headache was still there.

I kissed Mark goodbye and stumbled away. I poured my coffee, grabbed the bag, and headed out.
To be on time, I'm supposed to be out of the house by 4:45.
It was 4:49. I don't know what I did. I was just slow.

My ride was unpleasant. The car was all foggy on the inside of the windows and the defrost wouldn't work. The coffee tasted gross. My head was throbbing. The lights on the other cars were blinding me and aggravating me so much I almost pulled over.
Oh, there's more but I'll spare you.

Let's just say it wasn't the best re-entry into training.

I arrived at the pool, late, but I was there. The few people who were there commented on my absence and I think they also wondered what the heck I was talking about when I said, "off season this and off season that..."

Finally. The water.

I stretched and felt tight. I felt thick in my bathing suit.

Just dive in Ange.
And so I did.

Ahhhhhhhhh.... There we go. My happy place. My safe place.
The water.
It was quiet. It was cool.
I swam back and forth and back and forth trying to find my stroke.
My arms loosened up and my head relaxed.
Before I knew it, no pain.
Just me and the water.
The sound of the splashes soothed me.
I was back.

An hour later I hopped out and drove home. My head is still pounding and I want nothing more than to crawl back under the covers. But, that doesn't happen at my house. The kids are off today and they are all staggering downstairs one by one as I type. I'll take my hot shower, pour more coffe, and open training peaks to log my first workout for the next season.

It wasn't easy today. But I did it.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Thinking Back and Looking Forward

First, thank you THANK YOU for all the helpful and supportive comments on my last post. It is nice to know that I am not the only one who struggles with food intake on a day to day basis. I do wish that I could just, 'eat when I am hungry and listen to my body,' but I struggle with this. I have certain foods that I want to eat each and every day because I love them. So, regardless of hunger or my body's need for X,Y or Z nutrient, I want to eat my peanut butter rice cakes because that is what tastes good! sigh...
I know that if I want to see a change in my body, then I must change what I am doing. Even though I eat healthy food, I do not eat enough variety and I do not time things well. Oh, and yes, my portions are too big. I am sure of that. I think that is what is the most daunting. Having less food. I don't like that part at all.
Besides my dinner, the food I eat each day is more or less the same. I can't imagine that is a good thing. Especially since it's not egg whites and spinach that I eat at lunch. (I am sorry, but egg whites are terribly tasteless to me. I try...but I can't stick with it because I don't like it.)
I plan to check out the book recommended to me and adapt some of other thoughts that were shared. Thanks so much everyone!!
OH!! I also have to add this before I move on to another topic. While the timing of this post was a bit odd, my feelings and frustrations have Nothing to do with the off-season. Nothing. I struggled with this all year. I was never at my race weight. I don't even know my ideal race weight! I am not just struggling with gaining a few pounds past my in -season buffness (ha!) because I was never there to begin with.
That said, I FULLY intend to be there Next Year.

I am enjoying my rest period. I like the off season. I really do. I am saying that in all honesty. Sure, I struggled with the cessation of training after my last race. I love training. I love exercising. Of course I do! Otherwise, how could I be in this sport? However, I am also able to channel myself back to the days when I had to struggle to fit it all in. The days when I had to frantically drop the kids at school, drive like a maniac home, barely stop to breath so I could be on my bike by 9:02 in order to fit in the 80 miles + 2 mile run in time to shower, eat that perfect post-big-workout-meal, and then get the kids from school. I didn't have time to do anything else. Sure, some days are much lighter than that. I enjoy going to bed at 10:15 and not stressing that it's 45 min too late and I have to wake up at 4:30 to drive 40 min to the pool. I enjoy figuring out our weekend plans and not stressing about how I will fit in my workout. For example, my kids have 6 soccer games on Saturday. I Love that I have no other worries than to get them to the field by 7 a.m (yup, and it's 40 min away)and spend the day cheering them on and ---feeding them. :) It's all about them right now. It's their turn. And, I'm good with that. It makes me happy.
My body is softer and certainly slower. It's only October so, I'm good with that too. There is time. Lots and lots of time. Last year I developed a stress fracture in my foot and was more or less sidelined from November-January. And yet, I did just fine last season.
I think the longer I do this sport the easier it is for me to realize that I need to step away from time to time. I need to show my family that there is more to my life than the need to train with a purpose every day.
I am focusing on my business and how I can develop that more. I am reading loads of material to help make me a better coach. I am cleaning kitchen cupboards. I am shopping for Christmas and school clothes for the kids. I am taking a Shower as soon as I get out of bed!! And...I only take one shower a day! It's the little things.

The other thing I am doing is planning for my 2011 race season. No, Triathlon is not totally off my mind. It's there every day. I am planning races. I am planning strategies. I am putting together ideas that will make me stronger, fitter, faster and happier. I know that this upcoming year is going to be the best yet.

Saturday is the Ironman World Championships in Kona. I am enjoying all the pictures and comments that are coming from the people I know there now. I have been thinking about my experience there last year and just how fortunate I was to be able to make that trip. That race is such a Huge Experience. The entire week leading up the the race is like nothing I have ever done before. I am not sure if I'll ever go back or not. But I do enjoy reliving my time there. This is a little redundent since I'm sure I posted these last year. But it's as much for me as it is you. So bear with me. I love going back to old photos and remembering.

Saying goodbye to the Kids. Not a happy moment for me.

These are completely out of order. But...
My poolside post-race "meal!" That's a Frozen mudslide and french fries! I had to replace all that lost salt!!

Getting real......note my colorful ribbon. I did that at both Ironmans and it Helps!

This was the day before the race. I had just racked my bike and bags. On the right you can see the giant gatorade bottle that is in line with the starting line of the swim. The Navy ship is behind me. It was just over this wall that Mark saw a few giant sea turtles.

One of my favorite parts of my time in Kona. The morning swims at Digme Beach. The atmosphere was still semi-relaxed and as I've said 1000 times, the colorful fish and coral were stunning.

Mary Lou and I had a swim lesson with Karlin Pipes-Neilsen in an endless pool overlooking the Pacific. This is MLou.

I took this picture while sitting on the rocks next to the expo. I was on the phone with Coach Jen discussing my race plan.

Somewhere on the run. Note my distorted body shape. I was Filled with ice! I stuffed ice everywhere I could at every single mile along the way.

The Finish line was under construction all week. I loved crossing the line and seeing myself up on this giant screen.

I took advantage of some free demos at the expo. It was a chance to sit and relax. My muscles went Crazy with this electrical stim machine. I can't remember what it was called.

Walking to a morning swim.


Hanging with Pro Bree Wee.

Pre-Race dinner with friends and fellow Maine women: Kim Cole and Mary Lou Lowrie. their daughters Alison and Rachel joined us too.

Post-swim breakfast with Nat under a big tree along Ali'i Drive.

Happy, Relieved, Sore and Proud. Sporting my Finisher's medal while having fun at the finish line for the last few hours of the race.

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Friday, October 1, 2010


I have a love/ hate relationship with food.

This bothers me. I know it's an unhealthy piece of me.

Oh where to start......
I grew up swimming competitively starting at age 8. As many of you surely know, swimming is one of those sports that increases your appetite. I think running suppresses your desire to eat. At least for a while after you finish your workout. This is not so with swimming. At least it was never the case for me in my 32 years of experience. During those key developmental teen years, I was swimming about 10 times / week. I worked very hard and I burned ooodles and oodles of calories pulling myself up and down the pool. I never once worried about my weight during my youth. And yet, I ate and ate and ate. Just as Mrs. Geyer. (Heidi---if you ever read this, seriously, ask your Mom.) My friend's Mom worked with my Mom. Their office was in our house. I would come home from afternoon swim practice and make my snack. She would wander out of the office and look at me wide eyed. You eat ALL THat?? I sure did! (baked potatoes with cheese, hot dogs (it's true- and we're in Maine. They were Red!), nachos, all sorts of wonderful things...) I'd head upstairs to do my homework and then come back down a few hours later for our family dinner.
Or, Jeff and I would come home from late practice to find a yummy casserole my Mother made for us. And, we'd eat it.
At least that's how I remember it. I think we pretty much devoured those turkey and rice casseroles.
Seriously folks, I could put it away. And I was skinny! I really never worried for a second about it.
From there, I went to college. And, I gained a little weight. Didn't we all? Pre-season beer and pizza and Ben & Jerry's and dorm food didn't quite agree with me. Or should I say, it didn't agree with my waistline. Thankfully, I jumped back into the pool for 4 intense years of Div 1 swimming and I was ok again.
I tried to eat well during those years. But come on, I was barely 20. I had never worried about food. None of us had ever learned about pre and post -meet nutrition. In retrospect, this appalls me. I honestly hope people are at our colleges now teaching the athletes how to properly fuel their bodies for peak performance in their sport!! on a little rant there. But seriously! I DO hope schools have that in place now. If not, there's an opportunity there.

My point in all that history is that as a child, I was lucky enough to be very very physically active. My Mother made us delicious healthy dinners. Looking back, a Lot of the snacks I ate were horrendous. We didn't know any better. I ate foods that I would never allow my kids to eat. Flaky puffs, fruit roll ups, and crumb cakes were all part of my normal diet. I would often leave morning practice, go to the cafeteria and eat a chocolate powdered donut and milk before class. Lunch always included a pack of oreos.

Flash forward. I'm 40 years old. I'm a Mother to 3 boys. I'm a serious Triathlete. And I'm a coach.
I LOVE learning about food. I read all I can on nutrtion. I buy books about clean eating and metabolic efficiency and ideal race weights. I devour all information I can about this topic.
I understand Why we all need to eat well. I embrace it whole heartedly. I spend a very significant amount of our monthly budget on groceries because I insist on buying all healthy food. I get fresh veggies and fruit, organic crackers and snacks for lunch boxes, organic peanut butter, real maple syrup,lean lean meat, and yogurt with little to no sugar and preservatives. I spent well over an hour at the store this morning reading all the labels and thinking through our meals for the week. I try so hard to feed this family well. It's not easy when my boys devour everything in sight. It's very hard to keep my cupboards and fridge stocked!! Breakfasts before school are a 3 course meal, then I fill their lunchboxes with sandwiches, fruit, a snack, a drink and a yogurt or applesauce. We sit down for a big afternoon snack, a pre-soccer (or whatever it is) meal, and then a 2nd meal after that activity. I kid you not. FOOD is a major part of our day.

I talk to the kids all the time about why they need to eat healthy foods. I have taught them why high fructose corn syrup is bad. I have taught them about saturated fat and trans fat and they even tell me when something isn't a "healthy choice." Tommy often asks, "Mom, is this natural?" They know about protein and what it does. They 'get it.' And I am thankful that I've had the time and knowledge to teach them all of this. I will continue to do it all through their years with me. (lucky them huh.. :)

I have also liminated many things from my husbands diet over the years, just by example. He won't touch mayonaise. He avoids deli meats. He chooses much leaner items on menus when he is at work for example. I am trying.

Nutrition is so important to me.

Then why... WHY is it that I Can Not Lose a POUND??? WhY is it that I am SO incredibly WEAK when it comes to those relaxing after-dinner hours?? I lose all sense of strength and just want to snack. NOw, my snacks are not that bad. I have to stand up for myself. Last night I had a green apple with natural almond butter on it. HEalthy stuff. And yet, I know I didn't Need those calories at 8:45 p.m. I know that. But I Wanted it!!
and That's all it took. It bothers me that I can't keep myself from overeating at this age.
I can be the strongest willed person out there in my training. And yet, I can't say no to a cookie.
I'm embarrassed and annoyed with myself. I'm disgusted. I'm frustrated.

I am so active and so mindful of our nutrtion and yet here I am, 10 lbs over my ideal weight. My day to day diet is good! I think so at least. I eat oatmeal, and greek yogurt with fruit and granola (bad bad..I eat TOO much granola), lean chicken and lots of veggies, no sauces, no butter, natural peanut butter (again, TOO much of it) and that about sums up my typical daily intake. Nothing too bad. Just too much.
I start with small amounts, however, I am Not satisified with it.
I think I taught my body to expect More. At age 16, I was sealing my fate. I'm a pig.

10 pounds. That's free speed right there!! That enough should motivate me! And it does. Until 8 p.m. At that point, I'm in my pjs, the kids are in bed, and my mind races to 'what do we have that is yummy???" And I go for it. No. Matter. What.

that's it. I need an intervention.