Just below the surface

I discovered something today.

My emotions about this little Ironman out on that Big Island in the Pacific are

just below the surface.

Wow. I had no idea. I hopped on my trainer today. For two reasons. #1- My son is home sick. I know! Already? He had perfect attendance last year! Bummer and #2  It was 55 degrees and pouring. 

That's all irrelevant. I was on the trainer. I had to watch some TV for my 90 min ride. News? Days of our Lives?  Cooking show ( never while training..), I know! Ironman! My Taped 2010 Hawaii Ironman show.
Perfect. I've seen it at least 10 times. 

__________________

People staggering across the Queen K, falling to mush on Alii Drive, the swim start.
My insides churned. I saw the Hill on Palini.
I gripped the bars. 

I listened to the Pros tell their introductions about the brutality of that day. 
They showed the mass of legs under the water. The quiet gurgle before it starts. The nerves on the athletes faces. 
And then, BAM!
the Cannon

And you know what I did? Without even thinking about it or realizing it was coming? I Sobbed!!!! What? I instantly broke into a huge cry. My emotions burst out.

I'm GOING BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Of course, I knew this. I have known is since around 5:00 on July 24th.  Or maybe even a few hours before that. But now.....now it's real. It's close. It's inevitable. I am going to race through those intense lava fields, into the Energy lab, through those insanely scary waters...one month from tomorrow!!!
Is this real?
Can I do it again? Can I repeat the Ironman I had just over a month ago? Or atleast do as well? Am I ready?
The best in the world go to Kona. The fastest and strongest and fittest Ironman racers all meet up. And I need to be ready to join them.

I had visions of this:

I want all that back again.
I can't wait and yet....I'm scared too.
Ironman is close again.

My head is in the game and my focus is getting sharper. 

Countdown.....