and I'm not sure how I feel about it.
I went to get my race packet for tomorrow's race. It's an Olympic distance race in Portland, ME. I missed it last year because it was the same weekend as Timberman. This year, it's a month earlier. I grew up just outside of Portland so this is very cool. I guess the whole course is along the ocean.
All the big guns come out for this race. All the top girls in the state that I try so hard to beat in other races will be there. It's the race that I imagine while I'm out training. I picture myself overtaking them on the bike or closing in on the run. Whatever the scenerio, it gets me fired up. I have no idea how realistic it is or not but it's been a goal of mine. I am super competitive. I race myself and I race others. I don't know if that's a good trait of mine or not but it's who I am. I set goals for myself each year and this year, one of my goals was to race this race adn at least "scare" the top guns out there.
So back to yesterday. I picked up my packet and read the board with our waves listed. I noticed that several of my competitors were in a different wave even though they are in my age group. Next to their names: elite. What??? Since when do we have elite waves here in Maine? What does that mean? I had a lump of disappointment thinking that I wouldn't be able to go head to head with the fast girls.
I sought out a friend of mine who is in charge of the place and asked him quietly what that all meant. He wasn't sure but he left me and asked the race director. Next thing I knew, they moved me to that wave. WAIT A MINUTE!!! I simply wanted to know the scoop. I wasn't necessarily looking to Join them!!!!!
Here's the deal. We have some Pros racing tomorrow. Becky Lavelle is here to race amongst us the day before she heads to Bejiing!!! How cool is that. There are a few other pros too. I'm thinking they added this wave so it would be good for them. The criteria is that you have placed top 5 in one of tri-maine's races since last year. I have done that for each race so I feel good about that. But....elite is such a strooooong word. I just feel a little silly standing up there amongst those guys. It's men and women. I actually feel better about beating a few of the men in the water than the women. I imagine Becky is super fast all around and I Know at least 2 of the other women are blazing fast in the water. So....please please please don't let me be last out of the big blue sea. Please.
I am up for the challenge. I will get to race the race I've been dreaming of. Am I nuts?? Yup. I'm quite sure of it. It's going to hurt like hell. I'm going to feel like I'm dying. What I must do is get into the mindset that I am just as strong as they are and GO FOR IT!!! I can NOT let myself get psyched out by the 'idea of it all.' I've been good at that over the years. Psyching myself out that is. But now I'm older and wiser and need to Throw that OUT THE WINDOW!!!
Now that I've written all this I know how I feel about all this. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm scared and I'm flattered. I have to get out there and hold my own on this one. Prove myself. Put all these hard training hours to good use. This is it.