FOOD

I have a love/ hate relationship with food.

This bothers me. I know it's an unhealthy piece of me.

Oh where to start......
I grew up swimming competitively starting at age 8. As many of you surely know, swimming is one of those sports that increases your appetite. I think running suppresses your desire to eat. At least for a while after you finish your workout. This is not so with swimming. At least it was never the case for me in my 32 years of experience. During those key developmental teen years, I was swimming about 10 times / week. I worked very hard and I burned ooodles and oodles of calories pulling myself up and down the pool. I never once worried about my weight during my youth. And yet, I ate and ate and ate. Just as Mrs. Geyer. (Heidi---if you ever read this, seriously, ask your Mom.) My friend's Mom worked with my Mom. Their office was in our house. I would come home from afternoon swim practice and make my snack. She would wander out of the office and look at me wide eyed. You eat ALL THat?? I sure did! (baked potatoes with cheese, hot dogs (it's true- and we're in Maine. They were Red!), nachos, all sorts of wonderful things...) I'd head upstairs to do my homework and then come back down a few hours later for our family dinner.
Or, Jeff and I would come home from late practice to find a yummy casserole my Mother made for us. And, we'd eat it.
All.
At least that's how I remember it. I think we pretty much devoured those turkey and rice casseroles.
Seriously folks, I could put it away. And I was skinny! I really never worried for a second about it.
From there, I went to college. And, I gained a little weight. Didn't we all? Pre-season beer and pizza and Ben & Jerry's and dorm food didn't quite agree with me. Or should I say, it didn't agree with my waistline. Thankfully, I jumped back into the pool for 4 intense years of Div 1 swimming and I was ok again.
I tried to eat well during those years. But come on, I was barely 20. I had never worried about food. None of us had ever learned about pre and post -meet nutrition. In retrospect, this appalls me. I honestly hope people are at our colleges now teaching the athletes how to properly fuel their bodies for peak performance in their sport!! sigh....off on a little rant there. But seriously! I DO hope schools have that in place now. If not, there's an opportunity there.

My point in all that history is that as a child, I was lucky enough to be very very physically active. My Mother made us delicious healthy dinners. Looking back, a Lot of the snacks I ate were horrendous. We didn't know any better. I ate foods that I would never allow my kids to eat. Flaky puffs, fruit roll ups, and crumb cakes were all part of my normal diet. I would often leave morning practice, go to the cafeteria and eat a chocolate powdered donut and milk before class. Lunch always included a pack of oreos.

Flash forward. I'm 40 years old. I'm a Mother to 3 boys. I'm a serious Triathlete. And I'm a coach.
I LOVE learning about food. I read all I can on nutrtion. I buy books about clean eating and metabolic efficiency and ideal race weights. I devour all information I can about this topic.
I understand Why we all need to eat well. I embrace it whole heartedly. I spend a very significant amount of our monthly budget on groceries because I insist on buying all healthy food. I get fresh veggies and fruit, organic crackers and snacks for lunch boxes, organic peanut butter, real maple syrup,lean lean meat, and yogurt with little to no sugar and preservatives. I spent well over an hour at the store this morning reading all the labels and thinking through our meals for the week. I try so hard to feed this family well. It's not easy when my boys devour everything in sight. It's very hard to keep my cupboards and fridge stocked!! Breakfasts before school are a 3 course meal, then I fill their lunchboxes with sandwiches, fruit, a snack, a drink and a yogurt or applesauce. We sit down for a big afternoon snack, a pre-soccer (or whatever it is) meal, and then a 2nd meal after that activity. I kid you not. FOOD is a major part of our day.

I talk to the kids all the time about why they need to eat healthy foods. I have taught them why high fructose corn syrup is bad. I have taught them about saturated fat and trans fat and they even tell me when something isn't a "healthy choice." Tommy often asks, "Mom, is this natural?" They know about protein and what it does. They 'get it.' And I am thankful that I've had the time and knowledge to teach them all of this. I will continue to do it all through their years with me. (lucky them huh.. :)

I have also liminated many things from my husbands diet over the years, just by example. He won't touch mayonaise. He avoids deli meats. He chooses much leaner items on menus when he is at work for example. I am trying.

Nutrition is so important to me.

Then why... WHY is it that I Can Not Lose a POUND??? WhY is it that I am SO incredibly WEAK when it comes to those relaxing after-dinner hours?? I lose all sense of strength and just want to snack. NOw, my snacks are not that bad. I have to stand up for myself. Last night I had a green apple with natural almond butter on it. HEalthy stuff. And yet, I know I didn't Need those calories at 8:45 p.m. I know that. But I Wanted it!!
and That's all it took. It bothers me that I can't keep myself from overeating at this age.
I can be the strongest willed person out there in my training. And yet, I can't say no to a cookie.
I'm embarrassed and annoyed with myself. I'm disgusted. I'm frustrated.

I am so active and so mindful of our nutrtion and yet here I am, 10 lbs over my ideal weight. My day to day diet is good! I think so at least. I eat oatmeal, and greek yogurt with fruit and granola (bad bad..I eat TOO much granola), lean chicken and lots of veggies, no sauces, no butter, natural peanut butter (again, TOO much of it) and that about sums up my typical daily intake. Nothing too bad. Just too much.
I start with small amounts, however, I am Not satisified with it.
I think I taught my body to expect More. At age 16, I was sealing my fate. I'm a pig.

10 pounds. That's free speed right there!! That enough should motivate me! And it does. Until 8 p.m. At that point, I'm in my pjs, the kids are in bed, and my mind races to 'what do we have that is yummy???" And I go for it. No. Matter. What.

that's it. I need an intervention.