Ever have one of those days that you just suddenly and without warning burst out crying?
Seems to be one of those days today. Just a few days ago I was boppin' around the house feeling completely content and happy. I felt productive and fresh. The house was picked up, the Christmas clutter (which by the way, I love during the season but now I am Over it...) was mostly gone, and I was accomplishing tons of things on my kid's first day back to school.
Yesterday was fine.
Today, I'm not quite right. I woke up with a headache. (that is a LONG story that is a tad personal and complicated but let's just say I Thought I had found a 'cure' so to wake up with one today really ticked me off.) My morning to sleep in (until 6:30--that is Late for me!) was disrupted and I was basically woken for good at 5 a.m. I crawled downstairs sleepy eyed and less than energetic and immediately felt major discomfort in my back. My back?? Not injury discomfort but "I got my butt kicked by my trainer yesterday discomfort."
I shook it off, washed my face, and moved on. Feeling happy that my pants are definately looser (this has been an ongoing issue for me so it's a big deal. I refuse to step on the scale for fear of disappointment but my clothes tell the true story) I headed back into the choatic world of getting my 3 boys ready for school.
Nothing interesting happened. Same old thing. Ten minutes before leaving my oldest asked me for a "postcard with a Christmas scene on it." Huh? It's January 5th. Why?? Turns out he knew about this Before vacation. Yup. Ok. No. They're GONE! Fine. Ok. I'll get one. Grrrr.....
Then my little one started hollering because he couldn't find the Liner to one of his snow boots. Excuse me? Just why, Why?, does he need to take the liners out of his boots every single time he takes his boots off and What on earth does he do with them to cause them to be Lost for the next time he puts them on??? I tell ya....
As we walk out the door, I hear, "oh no! My basketball stuff!!" I had asked another one to put a bag together so I could grab it on my way to pick them up later. He had forgotten.
And, Nick's gloves were wet and I saw that they were ripped too. So, I took them, put them to dry, grabbed his beautiful warm dry new ski mittens and put them in the pile with his hat. When reaching in the back of the car for my hug goodbye at the school, he was acting slow and sneaky. I looked behind the seat and he was putting on the Old ripped wet gloves. I Don't GET IT!??! He cutely said, "sorry sorry sorry mommy!! I really do like the new ones you bought me...." ? I don't get it.
All normal day to day stuff. I have really good kids. They do super well in school. They never get in trouble. Ever. But, they are totally normal and they drive me to the state of Mommy goes insane from time to time. Sometimes the repetition of motherhood makes me lose it.
I drove away, shook my head, and started thinking about what I needed to accomplish in the 3 hrs I have 'free' today. (blogging wasn't on that list...oops.)
About a mile from home, a song came on the radio. There is nothing nostalgic or personal about it. I rarely even think of it. Ok, I Never think of it. It's just a song.
And without warning, I BURST out crying!!! ? I couldn't stop! I cried and cried and all the little things bothering me in life right now just felt right there on the surface.
Blek. what was That about?
I'm ok now. But instead of feeling productive and fresh in the New Year, I feel disorganized and stuck.
Maybe it's taper.
Except, Taper JUST started!!! I am not at all rested and zippy yet! NOt at all. SUnday I had my last long run. It went really well. My Coach called it a "Stud Run."
After that, I felt puffed up and ready to tackle that 26.2 next weekend.
I worked with my personal trainer yesterday and held planks with a 15 lb plate on my back.
Yes... I can turn 41 on Saturday with my head held high. Bring it on. I'm not done yet.
Today, I have some nasty 800s to attack. Again. Last time they left me searching for the best spot to loose my breakfast. I held on but yikes, it hurt.
Taper often brings less volume but more work. You hold on to some intensity but try to rest up the body and legs. It's not as easy as it sounds on paper when planning the season.
I am not too anxious (aka-nervous and freaked out) about the race yet. I am doing this for me. Only for me. I don't know a single competitor down there. I have nothing to proove. My old PR should be easy to crush but my new goal is going to be super tough. And yet, I am feeling fairly confident and just ready to see what I can do.
Will a PR be enough? Not really. My last marathon was October 2007 in Chicago. The heat wave that weekend caused the race directors to close down the course at the 4 hr mark. I had already finished, but it wasn't a PR for me that year. The year before, I ran the Maine Marathon. I was fit enough but I had just crashed my bike a few months early. The problem was I had a torn rotator cuff that was not yet diagnosed. All I knew was that my shoulder hurt like heck and I couldn't raise it up or move it forward and backwards. So, I ran that race with 1 arm in a way. That was my PR race. 3:27
I can beat that.
By how much? We'll see....
I don't think taper or race anticipation caused my little meltdown today. Who knows.
I'm over it now. I guess we all need to have a little cathartic moment now and then.