Monday, June 10, 2013

Since then....

A surprise came in the mail for me the other day



I  just got back from a Field day with my 11 year old.  I have about 15-20 minutes before I head off to pick all the kids up from school. I decided to write a Quick post rather than try to jump into full -on work since I don't have too much time. I had a few specific photos in mind of things we've been doing lately, but I can't find them! So I just clicked and grabbed a few oldies but goodies.  Just for fun... no stories. 

Texas was 3 weeks ago. It seems like less than that. That day is still fresh in my mind.  I have moved on though. Am I disappointed in that day? Yes. Am I proud of that day? Yes. How can I be both??? 

I am.  It was a hard hard day, and I fought with all I had. I stayed on my feet ( barely...I admit to faltering and grabbing tables for support a few times) , I kept running, and I earned myself an award.  Could I have run faster? Yes... but not in air they said was 110 degrees with the heat index.  I started the run feeling good and running pretty fast. The other day I was talking to Mark about that. I moaned that maybe I shouldn't have Purposely slowed down on mile 2 because I was afraid of the heat. Maybe I should have held that pace as long as I could, no matter what. He quipped, "OH yea... and have a seizure? go into shock?"  Umm.. no.. of course not.....! , I would havebeen ok... I know my limit. And yet,  I really wasn't well after those 26.2 miles. I mean, 140.6 miles.   For whatever reason, my body didn't like that heat that day.  I had to do what I did... I had to slow down.  There was no choice.  And for knowing that, I am proud of myself.  

Was I fully ready and able to ride 10-15 min faster than I did? Yes. But hey, mistakes happen and I had mechanical issues. It happens. I will never ever start a race with loose bolts again. You can be sure of that. 

I was at the pool this morning.  I was about to push off the wall when the lady next to me said, "So.. how did  you do? "
The same group swims at my Y each morning. They ask questions about my races and what it's all about. I had talked about the Ironman in Texas. They've been around to hear about other races in the past too. 


I Smiled and said, "Pretty well. I ended up third." 
She said, "ohhh.. well first would have been better. Oh well." 

Seriously??? Did she Just say that to me???
I was stunned. And hurt. And, almost lost my cool. 
Instead, I replied, "Well....it was over 100 degrees, I did the best I could. And the woman who did win was from Panama.  So..."
I'm not sure if she said anything else. 

People don't really know what it's like out there. But even so, whether you're a kid or an adult, if you go out and do your best, and you don't win, it's OK!  Even if you've won before.  Damn.... so now if I'm not first in a race, it's not a success and I should hang my head? 

Uh uh... I am NOT going to teach my kids that nor am I going to torture myself with that pressure.  So... since 5/18 I have held some disappointment because I know I was capable of going faster. But I wasn't capable of going faster that day in those conditions, for a few reasons.  

I've made the choice instead to hold Strong the reasons I decided, while in the thick of it that day, fully aware of what I was going through, to be Proud. And I'm sticking to it. 

I've rested long and hard. I've taken a break. I've eased back into it. 
I've soul searched. And I've made a new plan.  

I'm not even close to being done.  



Like I said, I just felt like posting a few pics that make me happy.

















6 comments:

GoBigGreen said...

I LOVE this post:) I totally can relate on the experience as for different reasons that is how i felt about my IM last fall. So proud i even did it, but disapponted in my race. But on that day, its what I had as i faced the worst month of my life after i left.
So be smart, be proud, dont let people that are ignorant bring you down. They may one day experience it and will say "oh i get it." or they may stay judgemental in their thinking. Good for them.

you look so pretty in that pic with mark :)

Enjoy your summer, hopefully we both get one soon.

ltlindian said...

omg third place is so so so awesome! It would be my lifelong DREAM to ever place in an IM. I can't even imagine what that would feel like. You know that you could have done better, but you still did great! You should be proud of what you did in that crazy weather. Just a Maine girl kicking all that butt in that heat. :)

Jennifer Harrison said...

And, this is why you are GREAT Ange....perspective and balance.

AND 3rd place in 100F degrees coming from MAINE ---> IMPRESSIVE.

You know, I think you ROCK.

:) Happy SUMMER!

Mary IronMatron said...

This is a really great post, Ange.
:) It really is.

mtanner said...

I am really big on the word "couth" right now and that was definitely showing NO COUTH! You are one tough chick. Keep on keeping on!

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