Friday, August 28, 2009

Getting my legs back...and the babies

I"d be lying if I said this was easy! I am struggling a bit here. And to say that, feels wrong. It feels selfish and ungrateful.

I am in the midst of preparing for a race that is basically a dream. A dream for many. A dream for me.

As I sit here in Maine, sending the kids back to school and feeling the air turn with crisp fall air, I am thinking of Hawaii. Am I really going to Hawaii?? It's just not real. I turned on the DVR last night--Ford Ironman World boomed through the room. I watched the first 15 minutes or so over the coverage. Again. You know, the part with all the people tipping over into heaps as the 100 degree weather knocks them down into mush. I studied the landscape. The steps going out of the water. Every little detail. It is surreal. You see, Hawaii is on the Other side of the world!!! I have 3 little babies (ok, not babies-more on that later) that I have to leave. It is hard. I already dread that part.

So that's just part of it. It isn't totally real to me yet. I just can't imagine going all the way to those islands.

The hardest part is revving myself back up again. I spent a year thinking about Ironman Lake Placid. The 6-7 months prior were spent training with all focus on that one day. That one big A race of the year. I counted down major training days. I thought about all the free time after the Ironman.
Race day came along and it was awesome. I put it all together and felt Huge satisfaction and pride with my accomplishment.
And then the next day, 15 hours after crossing the line, I signed up for another one. 10 weeks later!! ( something like that )
I absolutely want this. That's why I feel bad saying this. But it's a bit tough.......
here's why I'm struggling.

I took a week Off. 100% off. The week after that was super super light and I was pathetic. I couldn't do much at all. And the week after that.....I had the foot pains. I hopped in the water for my run workouts. For 2 weeks. While my ankle is pretty fragile, my doctor gave me his blessing to hit the roads again. Foot is ok.

Wow. That's about a month off the road. The water running did a lot for me, I'm sure. But my legs feel like glue. I am so so slow. It is really bad. You know when you run along and you swear your garmin is Wrong! Mine has been wrong all week.

Ok,I did have a few bursts of myself today while running. Not much, just a few miles. Not consecutive miles though. I was so frustrated that I wanted to cry. Right there...running down the road. Where did I GO??? where are my legs??
I do feel good in the water. I feel fine on the bike. So, all is not lost. I just need the whole package. Soon. Come on Body! Wake up!

I want the feeling I had 6 weeks before lake placid. Instead, I am sore. I feel fat. I am growling at my vacation week when I when indulged in friend clams, ice cream and gasp..a few drinks! I am slow....
I think next week will be a turn around. I will have a whole week of hard solid training. I will feel like an athlete again at the end of it. The soreness of starting back up again will be gone. I will be strong. (I hope)

This month starts a new phase in my life as well. My big boy turned 10 the other day. 10!!!! Meaning, only 8 more years until he's gone! Grown to college...gulp.
And if that wasn't bad enough, my baby started Kindergarten!!!! Too much for me. The little guy loved it. He is so ready. He's been ready since he was 2...that's what his Grandmother says.

I will absorb all the time with this training. It's perfect. And I'm so lucky. After that, I will decide 'what's next' for me.

I have been a Mom with 3 little kids for a long time. And now, they all trot away from me at 8:30 each morning. It's a little sobering. You carry these little ones around on your hip, in their car seats, feed them baby rice cereal and sweet potatoes, hold their hands as they go down the stairs, roll balls across the floor to them for hours, and read them Goodnight moon a billion times and then there they happens really fast.

But it's also exciting. My litlte ones are doing so well. They are thriving. It's a Mommy's dream to watch them succeed. I love to watch this. I just miss them.


IronMatron said...

Oh Ange, they DO grow up fast! :(
You SOOOOOO need to NOT feel guilty or ungrateful or any of the shit. You earned this, and it's like--dessert. Of course you want to do well there, but that is SO not the point now. If your legs never really come back before Hawaii, oh well! You are STIll going to have fun, soak it all in, come back with really interesting stories. And Thank God it's so close! Remember how HARD it was to last until mid-November? :)

MaineSport said...

Ye of little faith...Believe in yourself and your body. It will come around just fine. And enjoy everything about the event. Don't get all wound up when you're there. You'll be fine!

Jennifer Harrison said...

I know this is a TOUGH transition! Q-fying for Kona when all your heart and soul was for LP is a bit hard to swallow...and that is why you have to have a different outlook at Hawaii - it is a celebration of all your dedication and hard work!!! Of course, the training will be hard so you can do well...but there is NO pressure - ENJOY It.

And, yes...they do grow up fast and for me, they go thru each phase 1x only b/c they are twins, so that is hard...but this triathlon life is a wonderful outlet and balance - it it wasn't Triathlon, it would be another expensive hobby! (skiing!).