Warning: This will jump from topic to topic. That's just where I am in life right now.
Children. They are such gifts. And yet, it's TOUGH to be Mom. I'm sure it's tough to be Dad too but, I'm Mom and that's all I can speak about. The extreme range of emotion I feel with my children is rather overwhelming at times. All in a day, I can feel enormous pride and excrutiating anger. Throw in frustration, humor, adoration, disgust. You name it, the kids can bring it out. I mean that in the best way of course. When they bicker with each other,my skin crawls. It truly turns me inside out. Almost daily, my littlest jumps out of nowhere and grabs me for a hug. If I collapse onto the couch with him for a full blown snuggle, he is more than happy to oblige. Does it get any better? Is there any better way to make everything else seem trite? I think not.
There are so many things we need to teach our kids. It's our responsibility. We chose to become parents, so now it's time to own up to the tasks that come with it. Of all the things, all the hard lessons we need to show them, why on Earth is it SO hard for people to teach their kids to say THANK YOU! It seems like the basic stuff is forgotten these days. It drives me nuts.
Back to Triathlon!!!
I'm feeling really good. I am appalled with the calendar and how quickly it feels the need to move, but other than that, all is good. Ironman training is in full force. The next few months are laid out in front of me and I am on a mission. I know what to expect, when to expect it and I know just what I need to do. I have lots of excitement and a lot of nerves. These aren't the nerves you feel as you don your wetsuit to start the race. These are nerves that build slowly and keep the wheels churing. I have gripped that feeling that makes we want to knock out each workout with perfection. The winter cobwebs are completely wiped away and I'm ready for business. Don't get me wrong, I've been working hard for months now. But Now, the razor sharp focus is on. I strive to make the runs at just the right effort level, I swim with power and purpose for each set, and I am learning to bike with more efficiency. IT's fun. I really am having a lot of fun as I prep for this big day.
Finally, on saying No.
It is HARD to say no to things. You are basically disappointing someone or making them unhappy by doing so. It's not the easy way to go. I had to say no yesterday. I surprised myself though. I did so, Immediately. I didn't waiver or say I'd think about it. I didn't allow myself to worry that I'd be disrespected or unliked. Yes, those insecure thoughts are things I may have allowed myself to become bogged down with in the past. I wonder if, my new over 40 self is going to be even Stronger. Our family has been on-the-go all winter. We have had a blast and made the absolute most of a rockin' snowy Maine winter. Starting at before Christmas, I feel like its' been non-stop every single weekend. I hosted a major Christmas family event for the first time, planned our family's holiday, and continued to train for a January Marathon. I travelled to said marathon, got home, and skied two days later. We've had weekends out of town, weekends with guests and every single other Sat and Sun was "get up early, get the training done, and get to the mountain asap."
I am tired. I'm mentally tired of the Fun! Does that make sense? OF course, fun is FUN! And I am all for a good time.
That said, in this home, we have two mini-off seasons. Totally apart from my training! This is family-event off season time. We have some of April and May and then a little bit in November. That's it.
It's my off season now. Even this weekend, my boys still skied. But just a little. I have two more left. I'd say 3 but Easter is in the middle there. After that, there are races, family events, and then... we open Camp! Yay! But... phew. no more weekned at home!
Not to mention, I am training for this little race called Ironman!
In this situation to which I am referring, I had to be good to myself. Hosting a big neighborhhod party in two weeks is too much for me right now. I feel slack for saying no. I feel embarrassed that I Can't do it. And yet, it is my truth. It would stress me out and take away energy from my family and from myself. I know it's smart to say No when it's the best thing, but it's not easy!!