It's not always easy

Yesterday was a hard day for me. The reasons aren't particularly stunning. I didn't have too much to complain about. And yet I managed to find plenty of things to moan and whine about just the same. My mood was rotten and I wasn't motivated to do anything. Least of all...my run.

Here are a few things that got me started on my bad mood. The kids went back to school last week after their second winter vacation. However, Monday, I had my little one home sick. Tuesday and Wednesday they all went to school but Thursday and Friday they were home again. School was canceled Thursday because of....rain? Slush? Yes, I'm being cynical here. I apologize but this is Maine and we used to be able to handle a little junk on the roads. It was foolish to have the kids home that day. They should be at school learning. We hadn't had snow since it rained on Jan. 18th so it seemed they canceled school quickly when it slushed that night. Grrrr..... Mostly I was upset because my youngest was home throwing up that day. I didn't need all three boys home. Not to mention, I had an important doctor's appointment an hour from home and had to drag my husband out of work to help me with kids. It' was a pain. So I became crabby. I had my little one home again Friday. Poor kid. He was miserable.
Meanwhile...I trained hard. My week was full of juicy intense workouts. I handled it well but the disruption in our home schedule made it trickier and trickier. Ihad a lot of work planned and really wanted to accomplish some important things for my new clients. Having the kids home 3/5 days after a week vacation made it tough. I love all my time with the boys...I cherish it. But they were bored silly being stuck inside on a rainy day and unable to go anywhere with a sick brother. It got tough. They bickered. A lot. And Mom hates bickering.

Saturday morning our home was healthy. And... there was SNOW!!! Beautiful white snow was covering the trees and ground instead of the ugly premature mud season we had been enduring. Yippy!!! We were starting fresh and we could move out of last week's ickiness. A full ski day was in order! I was up at 6:00 working through my 2+ hour brick so we could head to Sunday River nice and early.
The skiing was fantastic! However, I will admit that my legs were burning by the end of the day. The snow was thick and heavy. After years of hard work on the part of my husband, these little boys are now strong & independent skiers and we hit up all trails including a few black diamonds. Go Nick! My little 5 yo just might be the next Bode. We had Olympic fever....
Saturday night I was done. My legs were screaming and I was ready to chill. We stopped and had a nice family dinner on the way home from the Mtn and then got the kids in bed by 8:00. Things were great. Mark and I were having a nice relaxing night and smiling about the fun day we had had with 'the guys' and planning another fun outing for Sunday.
And then... my 8 yo ran into the bathroom in tears. Oh oh. Not again. Tommy was sick. He had thrown up all over his bed, the rug, his special stuffed bear, his pillows, his comforter, and himself. He was pale and shaking. I hate seeing my kids like that. We were up most of that night helping him. It was sad... Tommy is the most vibrant person I know. He was sparkless that night. A true sign of a bad germ.
Sunday rolled around and of course, we were staying home. No more skiing. Darn.
This was unfortunate...but would be ok because I had a long run on the schedule.
A long run that I drooled over all week. I couldn't wait. I love my long runs. I love long runs with some hard effort mixed in.
right?
Yes.
I love them.
Keep saying it Ange. Maybe you'll convince yourself.
I was NOT in the MOOD!!! Why NOT??? I am not kidding when I said I drooled over this run all week. It was my favorite thing on the schedule. And yet, I did.not.want.to run! Insert little pout face, a girl in a pony tail with her arms crossed and stomping her feet.

I was so groucy yesterday! I was sad for Tommy. My legs were tired. I think my stomach felt bad too. Or was that in my head? I feel like a ticking time bomb waiting for this gastro bug to invade me. At the slightest indication of discomfort I would declare myself hit. And then it would clear. I was fine. I wasn't sick. Not at all. I was just in another person's head.
I came up with every possible scenario to avoid the run. And that is not the real me. Typically I come up with every possible scenario go get the workouts Done at all costs.
I could do it Monday! All I had was a swim and some lifting. I saw the forecast....snow. It would be another snow day if I put off my run. And Tommy...he might still be home sick. That wasn't going to work. Plus, I was supposed to run on Sunday. Period. I couldn't put my long run too close to my next hard run. It doesn't work that way. Don't worry Jen... I respect the order and knew I shouldn't mess with it. But I can't tell you how vehemently I was against that run.
In the end, I changed out of my perfectly comfortable Sunday-at- home- sweats and donned my running gear.
Why was I so so against this run? I just did Not want to do it!
I kissed the kids and Mark and walked out the door.
Fine. Just go.
I ran. I ran pretty slow. And then, I smelled the fresh air. I looked around and the snow covered trees. My legs turned over a little faster. I got pelted with snow clumps falling from the trees. I glided up the first hill.
hey...The legs are loosening up!! Maybe I can do this. Mabye it won't kill me. Maybe it'll actually feel....good?

I was no longer milling around the house feeling grouchy. I walked away from the endless job of cleaning stinky laundry after a sick night. I was outside and you knowhat, it didn't feel good. It felt Great!
As the run went on,I felt better and better. It was a progression run in which I was to run hard for the last 3-4 miles. You know what ? I nailed it. I made the turn at mile 5.1 and poured on the steam. I pumped my arms up the big hills and ran a strong steady faster pace for the rest of the run.
My heart was pumping and I walked in the driveway in a whole new mood.
I knew I loved those runs.
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I have been doing this stuff in one form or anther for years and years. My goals are not the same as everyone else's. However, I struggle at times just like anyone else. It doesn't matter if you are a beginner, a person training for their 5th Half Ironman, or a seasoned elite athlete. Some days are Tough!! Some weeks are tough! You will have to reach to a place that is unfamilar to you most days and find the strength to walk out the door. You have to search inside to find the reason you are doing it. Nobody else can find that for you. When you work through that rough patch and emerge on the other side, you will be stronger. And maybe that is why you are doing it.