That's all I could come up with.
While I was running today That is the phrase that popped into my head to describe how I feel.
My legs are shredded. Trashed. Torn up. Heavy. Sore. Done. I cry Uncle.
I rarely cry uncle. Right Jen? It's not my thing.
It's very interesting how I can see when other people need to rest and can easily rationalize why they are feeling tired and sloppy. But to admit it in my own life is nearly torturous.
I think I was 9 when I learned a lesson about toughening up and fighting through. I was on the swim team back in Cape Elizabeth. I loved swimming!!! My parents let me join the swim team when I was 8 after my friend Sherri pleaded with them. I completely remember the conversation. "Paleeeeeeeeease Mrs. Small!!! Can Ange swim on Nautilus with me?" Or something very close to that. Swim team was a big committment. And I was young. It meant daily practices and lots of long swim meets. I swam year round too. Swimming in Cape was 'the thing' and it was taken seriously.
Here's what happened. I went to swim practice one afternoon after spending the day at the beach. I was sunburned. Badly. Back then we didn't seem to use sunscreen. I remember swimming up and down the pool thinking about how badly my back hurt because my bathing suit straps were rubbing on my sunburn. After a little while, I climbed out of the pool and told my coaches, Pam and Tom, that I had to call my Mom and Dad. I told them it hurt so I had to go home.
Baaaaaaad move Ange. Bad. Very very bad. My coaches didn't say too much. Or if they did, I can't remember the words. What I vividly remember is the Feeling I got. I Knew I had made the wrong decision. They told me to call and don't come back until I was ready to swim the entire practice. Something horrible like that.
And it didn't end there.
My parents were Not proud of me.
I got out of practice for a SUNBURN??? Seriously?? That had wimpy move written all over it.
I'm sure it wasn't the first time my parents and others taught me to be tough. But it was clearly a moment in my childhood that I realized it was not cool to let a little thing like a sunburn stop me.
As a result, I don't let myself off easy. And quite possibly, at times, I'm the same way with my kids. I definately take care of them and help them when they get hurt. Don't get me wrong. But, I also expect them to get over it when it's time to get over it! Yesterday, one of my kids stubbed his toe at the pool. One was having a lesson and the other two do laps during that time. Well, his toe hurt too much to swim. He sat there and chatted with me for the 30 minuntes instead. He seemed ok. I suggested he try again. Nope. "The pressure of the water hurts my toe."
I had flashbacks from my sunburn.
I had a workout yesterday that almost brought me to tears. Not because it was so so hard....but because I was so so miserable during it! It was long. I'll give myself at least that. It was possibly my longest workout since last summer. But it wasn't that long. I just had no energy. I had nothing. I ate and ate and drank and drank and still could not get into the groove.
I had visions of retiring myself to a single sport person again or maybe just taking a year off.
Ya, ok Ange. That lasted for a few hours and I got over that silliness.
Today, I awoke with a new attitude. I had a decent swim. I ate a great breakfast, did some work, got organized for the next few weeks and then dressed for my run.
Out the door for a lovely 10 miler. I'd throw in a little speed here and there. Enjoy the dry roads. Feel the warm sunshine.
That last part sort of backfired. I dressed for February. Only today, it was April. I was Not ready for that! I had emerged from my coaching cave behind the computer, donned running tights, gloves, a headband, a long sleeve shirt and a jacket.
One mile in I was desperate for my shorts! It felt like 60 degrees out there! I think it was actaully 50 but the sun was on me and I was HOT instead of savoring it! That should have been my first clue that I was Not on my game.
I ran through my sore glutes and hamstrings and waited for them to loosen up. I warmed up and did a little bit of speedy stuff. Nothing spectacular but I had mountains to climb over while attempting that 10K pace stuff...
It was all good. For a while.
And then, I was done. Nothing left. How can 3 miles possibly seem That far. I thought I'd Never get home. Shredded wheat. That's what my legs are now. They're shredded. I'm sure of it.
So now is a smart time for me to admit my fatigue. My need to rest.To stop and heal. Now if only I could go lay on a beach somewhere like I did when I was 9. I am Sure that would help me rest up.