Monday, April 21, 2008

Confidence-doubt-confidence-doubt-no Confidence!!!

That is how I feel lately. Back and forth between a strong internal toughness and total lack of faith.
My first race is approaching fast. No, it's far from my A race. It's just a race. Just a beginning of the season sprint.
But, you see, I put massive amounts of pressure upon myself. I always have. Once I have shown success in something I feel there is no going back. I don't want to let myself down. I want to live up to other's expectations. You know what though, they probably really don't care.
I hammer through some workouts and feel so fast and strong. It is during those times that I feel ready to rock. I think about my competition and convince myself that I have just as much fight as they do.
Other days I hammer through workouts and think just the opposite. Strangely, I dont' have be having a bad training day to have my moments of doubt. Sometimes this big fog comes over me and I start to think, "who are you kidding?! You can't begin to compete with them." I completely doubt myself.
It really doesn't matter. It's just a race. And I do all this for fun. But for me, a big part of the fun is the competition. I hope I can put up a good fight next week.
Interestingly, I think a big part of the race will be determined in the water. Two of the top women are FAST!!! It's a short race so there won't be much room to play with. Besides that, they're good bikers and runners too. See, the doubt is back. The confidence is gone.
I have to get back in the water and find some more of my "fight."


IronMatron said...

Which two girls?? I know Catherine S. is a rock star, but what other woman could even come close to you in the H20?
Even if your confidence wavers, I have total faith that you will kick ass. You never give less than 500% and your best is always close to THE best! Keep the faith!

IronMatron said...

Also, every race is an A race. I know it and you know it. :)

Jennifer Harrison said...

Ok, come ON! GET FIRED UP to kick some butt at your race - they are looking at your name and going, "OH NO!!!!" too!! :)) Time to kick it into over-drive and get it moving, Angela!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! :)) Jen H!!!

Jennifer Cunnane said...

Go get em!!! You can do it! I also love the new pics you posted on your blog -I cannot imagine 3 boys, geez, sports and body odor will be going crazy in your house in 8 years.

Marni said...

Love the new pics!!! There is something about "sprint" races which brings a sense of no confidence. I think the longer distances races get you into your own zone so you can do your own thing. well, do your thing at your race and kick some butt!! Trust all your hard training and your great new bike!

Anonymous said...

You aren't alone! I am back and forth everyday. Jen H is right, get fired up and go, go, go!! YOU CAN DO IT! You have been training really hard so trust in yourself! Now go kick some ass!